my house remains unhaunted
and i guess it never was
no spirits slipping through the doors
or atmospheric buzz
no angry passed on members
from a former family
and no one's ever disappeared
inside of my TV
never heard a ghostly whisper
saw no jello run down walls
and no one's risen from my well
no dead twins in the halls
if there's a poltergeist
they must be quiet as can be
or maybe just too darn polite
to want to bother me
no cadavers in the swimming pool
no books fall from the shelf
but when i die, i think that i
might haunt the place myself
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