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driving recklessly

Poem By: moses93638
Poetry


its a distracted driving poem i did for a contest View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Apr 26, 2010    Reads: 73    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


She’s sixteen, meeting up with the crew

Driving a car that’s brand new

She put down her phone

She left her make up alone

She’s backing out to begin her night

Your coming home to grab a bite

There’s no alcohol, no swerving insight

Your phone rings

Your coffee steams

you reach for them

its going to be a fun night

Your pulling in and you feel a shake

As you see your sisters life line break

Running to her you cry and yell

In the background you hear your cell

Your heart breaks on that night

Right then you awake from your day dream

Tears running down your face feel like steam

Your back were you started about to arrive home

Your phone rings and you see its light

will you text back now you’ve? got all night...


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Comments:

Wow. This is a powerful poem. I love the rhyming and I especially love the ending.
Now onto constructive criticism. You need to edit this. It takes away from the beauty and from the message that the poem brings if you don't edit it. I would also suggest styling your poem. Maybe even replacing some words with their texting counterparts. All in all this was a great and powerful poem. Keep up the great writing!!

-Ali

Posted: Apr 26, 2010



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