Oh wow, that's the sonnet one right? I can't believe you did the first 12 lines with only two word rhymes. That was very very good!

On her right pride, pride fell out the world
On her left, hope stayed on her route

I felt those two lines were really great because it actually gave me a picture in the head. The last two lines really do give the umpf needed for the poem!

Uhh suggestions? The only thing is that the last line "For she can not be compared" seemed a little short compared to the line before it...ahh maybe pad it a bit so the rhythm matches?

That was good and keep up the good work :)

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

U concured da challenge,dude. (I usually call everyone dude)

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

I loved it! It was a very pretty sonnet. Well done!!!!

Posted: Jun 20, 2008

The only critque I'd give is that the line 'She'd open her eyes and everything curled' should've ended 'and everything would curl' so that it rhymed with 'girl' better. Good though :) Really good
Completely out of it because I havent slept in 24 hours! Haha

Posted: Jun 21, 2008

Sonnet's are always interesting poems, I like what you have here. The nice thing about poetry is that you don't always have to follow the rules for it to come out great and while this is a very structured sonnet, I like the fact that not all the rhythms match exactly, to me, that makes it all the more interesting.

Kudos!!

Posted: Jun 21, 2008