Believe My Web of Lies
Pathological, habitual, impulsive, the lies are what I am made of…
Because the lies I have told, the lies that I made so believable and true,
Are starting to come back around.
Nothing special about me, no talents, no gift of weaving words together to make beautiful sentences.
I'm simply here, stating the facts in stanzas, struggling to come to terms with the mess of feelings and emotions stuck inside of me,
It is my own fault; I am in too deep, the lies have become a part of me, I need them to survive…
Lies daily, that seem to get me through the day, but yet, they are making the future even darker than I predicted.
White lies, unnecessary surplus of tales that I told in my spare time, to make up for the time I had wasted, thinking that I was something special,
Times I thought that I meant something to anyone, or at least someone.
That someone made me believe that the lies I told were good,
That the stealing and the cheating, the immoral, and the deceit I created was saving my own soul.
…How could I, after all the sins I've committed?
How could I have a heart, and not just an ice pump thumping in my chest to keep my alive?
Because I'm not breathing…no, I'm a dead corpse with a still active mind that cannot come to peace.
But I am not asking for closure or mercy, I don't think I deserve that, not anymore.
The weight of this world is closing in on me; the curtain call that I have dreaded is here,
I cannot live with the demon inside of me.
I want to be good, I truly want to let the angle wings that I have grown inside me unfurl.
They will be dark, a gray almost close to midnight, a signal of my past.
I will not be reborn; no, this part has always been inside of me.
If I could take back the things I have done, to be reborn, I would not take that chance…
I would not want to take back those memories of hurt and pain,
Those memories full of love and hope.
They all mean something, they are all apart of me.
Forgive me, for my sins, my acts of violence, the web of lies that I have told you, to cradle my own world.
Forgive me, for being who I was meant to be.
My web of lies, I hope they have not hurt you, instead, let yourself be embraced by them,
Realize the things I had done I am truly sorry for.
Let the world around us dissolve away, let it only be us that remain.
Let me be with you, like we were supposed to be.