Blinded by the Past

Blinded by the Past

Is it wrong of me to think in the past,

In the imperfect and not the futuristic, where all else lies

Should I be the one running away, afraid of what I’ve been told?

I don’t want to, but I should

This isn’t a monster, or a mystical being

This is my best friend, my heart, a component of my life that not everyone can comprehend

I’ve seen all I need to see, and I know the darkest places in your soul that you’ve been

I know the lies you’ve told me and the things you have done to others;

I know all of your sins.

But you don’t know mine, no, you believe in something far from the truth

The truth that I can’t tell you, because I know that you’ll run away from me,

Even if you promised me with all of you heart that you wouldn’t.

This isn’t about my lies or deceit, it’s about yours.

Forget about the past, the present is the future, I try to believe, but it’s just too hard

…

To watch you, and know the things you’ve done, and they hurt no one but me

Yet I can’t seem to let you go, even after all the things you’ve done to hurt me,

Me, the one who has shielded everyone off from the beginning of time, but somehow you got in

Somehow, I let down my defense walls, and you joined me

I thought it was enough, but it isn’t.

And it will never be enough.

Because what you’ve done to me, what you promised what wouldn’t be repeated to me, you did

How could I forgive you for the things you’ve done to me?

Perhaps this is my fault too, I should have known it wouldn’t work from the start…

But you continued behind my back, and I was blind enough and stupid enough not to see.

As I sit here, in these undesirable tears, I know that I cannot trust you,

Or your feelings you say that are no longer there.

Because you wouldn’t lay down your life for me, but I would for you

You say you love me, but you don’t even know what love is

I’m not saying that I’m any better than you just because I know what real love is like,

But I just know that I did love you, with all the heart I could give.

Your love is commercialized, blinded by the sheer happiness and joy it would bring to you.

So I sit here, now able to realize the mistakes I made with you.

I know now that this should be over.

But just because I know, it doesn’t mean I will.

It doesn’t mean I won’t take action.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore.