Breathin'

Breathin’

My chest is constricted as I find it hard to speak,

The thing I always expected to happen has finally happened, and it’s getting harder by the minute to think

Said I wasn’t in love, I’ve always been seeming that I’m missing a special link,

Because love doesn’t open my heart like everyone else’s.

But now I’m lying here on my back wielding my eyes not to cry,

Feeling like the my entire heart was crushed and has melted,

Melted so that I can never repair it, and the realization brings tears to my eyes.

Except I don’t let them fall and drop across my face because that will make it too true and real,

Falling in love and getting my heart broken was something I thought I couldn’t feel.

I put on a brave face and try to go on, but I end up crumpling in the end, because we’ve dragged this relationship on and on for so long.

I wanted to lie and say that I was okay, but how in the hell could I when it feels as though my whole world has fell,

I can’t seem to let you go but you’ve already left, I’ve dug myself deep into this bottomless hell.

I never wanted to let you go, but we’ve already moved on,

It wouldn’t even matter if I started to feel love because you’re already gone.

My throat is still constricted, and the tears are making it hard to breathe,

Because the past memories of you are making it harder and harder to see.

That I can move on when I know that I can’t, when I shouldn’t feel this way because you say you do but you’ll never understand.

That even though I say I did, that I really didn’t,

And when I said that I wasn’t, that I was really kidding;

That I loved you when I really didn’t want to, but my love still was too much for you, but you really didn’t have a clue.

Because I didn’t love you as much as you thought, and I can’t believe I risked everything for this relationship; I fought,

With my friends and family and disagreed with what they said,

Because I thought you had everything I would ever need, but really you were just messing with my head

You never wanted this to last, because you were still so caught up with your troubled past.

And I had mine, and I thought our relationship would run its long course in time,

But I was wrong.

Oh, I was wrong as I had been as I sing this woeful song.

That even though our relationship will always be in the wrong,

I’ll still miss you more than I would want to, and yet somehow it will halfway mean something to you.

But there’s nothing more we can do, I’m tired of this, and we’re completely through

…

For now.

This love has been tainted, and even though I know how,

I love you forever and ever, in the future and now.

I’m still breathing, but just barely.