Broken and Rearranged

Broken and Rearranged

People always complain that their heart is broken,

But they never say that their heart is shattered.

Broke and shattered, they may seem to be the same thing to you,

But not to me.

Broken is easier to mend, broken means that it can heal.

Shattered means…broken into tiny pieces, broken beyond repair.

Because even if you get the tiniest of pieces, it will still be cracked, there will still be holes that can’t be replaced,

Shattered means it’s broken forever.

My heart may have been malleable from the start, but that doesn’t give you the reason to break it,

Over and over, by different people, but all for the same reason:

To hurt me. Because it doesn’t ever matter how I feel, it never matters about how much I sacrificed for you, no, it never means that.

I’ve been so broken for so long that I don’t even know how to piece it back together,

Because it’s not completely shattered. Not now at least.

One more break, one more fall, just one more time, and it will be shattered.

Irreversible, I know, but that seems like a positive at the moment.

I’m tired of feeling sad and depressed chronically, I’m tired of not being happy as I used to be.

And what’s causing me this sadness you may or may not ask?

Some of my faults, and some other’s. Others that didn’t care, and still don’t care. So I don’t care about them, not at all.

I swear, I find myself wishing all the time now that I could go back to the past, and stop me from making the mistakes I made.

Because, they’re wrong. They’re wrong about mistakes making me wiser,

Because they haven’t done a damn thing, they haven’t taught me anything useful.

I wish I could just turn around say fuck ‘em all, but I’m still too broken to even do so,

I’m still too broken to even fend for myself, which is sad.

Because I used to be strong-willed, I used to be able to stand for myself, and it’s pathetic of me to say that others’ have taken that away.

You know what, maybe this is all of my fault.

Maybe it was my fault, not for letting myself get broken, but for thinking that I could be anything more than a fling;

I’m useless. No one needs me.

That’s why I’m letting myself go, right now.

I’ll end my life before my heart is shattered.

I’ll end my life, with no pride.