Devoted

Devoted

I don’t understand the push and pull of this relationship

Or why I can’t seem to walk away from you, when I know I should

Why is it that as soon as I wake, I want you to be there, despite the horrible things you’ve done to me?

Can’t I see that you’re not good for me; we’re not compatible?

…

I’ve been abused, loved, and hated, all by you

Yet I can’t live without it, you by my side

I guess I could say that there’s something wrong with me,

If I take the time to devote myself to you, everyday, in and out

You seem as though you don’t care if I were ever to leave your side,

But I know it’s a front.

You’re just as messed up as I am, but not in the same way

You’re more normal than me, but that doesn’t make you any different

It doesn’t make you different enough that you ignore me, push me around, and say you love me at the end

What does matter is that I can’t tell if you’re lying or not

Because it shouldn’t be right for a victim to rely on her abuser…

Should I label you as an abuser?

How can you be, if you’re everything I rely and yearn for?

My drug, my liberator, my only love, that’s what you are.

And even though I shouldn’t be, I will be always be devoted to you.