For the Few Seconds I'm Breathing
Heart bruised, shattered, broken, irreplaceable, permanently broken…
But that doesn't matter, none of the past mattered in my mind.
I had just gotten to that place, the place where you think everything's alright,
That things will get better, there's a light shining off in the distance guiding you…
None of that is real; those are foolish obscenities we tell ourselves to get through the day.
I'm tired of the not being depressed, the being completely fine,
The lies you tell yourself so you won't just break down, the denying of something's wrong…
Crying for help and no one hears…I realize that it is only in my head,
The cutting and the dreams of dying over and over again, they don't make any sense anymore;
The day is just a bundle of colors and blurs, suddenly, there isn't such a thing as time,
Why did things end this way? Why did they end? …Why haven't they ended yet?
No friends, so alone, they're there, but they're not,
There's nothing to grip on to, to keep yourself from ending it all.
I don't want to admit that there's something wrong, that maybe this all isn't a joke anymore.
What happened, to the days, when I could believe in myself, the days that I trusted that there's always a tomorrow?
Because there isn't.
Tomorrow, well, just another obscenity.
I do not cry, I do not whine, I don't beg and plead for help…
I end it. And I end it now.
In the last few seconds that I've been breathing,
I understand nothing. Not the philosophy for life, not love,
Not the reason why you left…
I leave nothing behind.
I am nothing,
In the few seconds left that I am breathing.