Happening Again and Again

I didn’t expect myself to fall in this stupid trap I’ve created for myself.

I slip in, slip out,

But I just can’t seem to stay away.

Day in, day out, it’s different every time,

But I’m drawn in by the same people.

But I would devote myself to the same torturing trap just to see you again.

But I don’t see you, I don’t even know you.

Maybe we might have had a connection,

But I’m stupid enough to get jealous over nothing.

I’m not jealous over nothing because we have nothing.

We’re not even together, and we don’t have anything in common.

Even as I write, it’s so hard not to even mention your name

Because I couldn’t do that to you.

I couldn’t admit to you these true, stupid things

That have taken turmoil inside me.

I seem selfish, admitting that I love you, getting jealous over nothing, and then tearing myself apart inside.

I’m in over my head, but sometimes, they seem worth it,

Just for you.

Why can’t you just get out of my head?

You don’t have to be a special person to me, and I shouldn’t have these feelings for you.

But it doesn’t help anyway, because I still talk to you everyday.

I can’t tell you these things, so I’ll keep them inside me,

Until they bleed out.

I’ll do it over and over—

Slashing and cutting,

Again and again.