If I Were Ever to Cry

If I Were Ever to Cry

If I were ever to cry,

I would want you to be the one who would stop me.

I would want you to the be the one to tell me that crying isn’t the right reaction,

That it’s not who I am, and I’m making a mistake.

If I were ever to cry,

I would want you to tell me the right thing to do.

I would want you to tell me that I’m being stupid, and that I should wipe away my tears.

I once thought that maybe you would be the person that would stop my crying.

…

But how was I supposed to know that you would be the cause?

And you’ve left me behind, and now I’m telling myself not to cry.

Even though my chest feels constricted, like I’m about to snap in half.

Even though my eyes are getting tired and sore from trying not to cry.

And even though I know, in the end, that I won’t,

It still would be nice for you to be the one that told me not to.

It would be nice for you to comfort me, but that’s not how it is.

That’s not how it was ever meant to be.

And maybe I’m being a big baby about this whole situation,

But that’s only because I feel I should be acting this way.

Because you were something important to me, and now that you’re gone,

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t have a clue of how to function.

So, if I were ever to cry,

I now know that you’re the one that’s not gonna be there.

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