I'm Not Her.

I’m Not Her.

Do not compare me,

Do not judge me,

Do not try to understand me, because you will never figure me out.

It can’t be done.

I don’t belong to anyone, a group, or some type of society,

I am only me.

A loner, social outcast, that I may seem to be, but how can you be a loner,

When you have friends?

A couple of people that actually care about you?

But you’re too scared to ever even trust anyone; you know they’ll just end up leaving you anyway;

That’s only a small part of me.

I’m not always happy, sad, depressed, or angry,

I don’t say what I really think in the back of my mind, what I really think about myself,

I don’t tell others the truth.

Because they’ll run away screaming if I told them the truth, I know that,

I’ve seen it happen before, and I can’t let that ever happen again.

When you hide the darkest of secrets, after a while, the lies only begin to build up,

They morph into huge, whopping stories that over cloud anything,

You no longer see the light.

I am stuck in the darkness.

…But it’s okay, because I want to be here.

The darkness doesn’t leave you, it cloaks out everything so it’s just you, you and your thoughts, so you can’t hurt anyone,

And if that really is the truth,

Then I need to stay inside the darkness.

Even if maybe it’s destroying me, slowly, piece by piece from the inside,

Then that’s how I’ll fade out; slowly, fading away into the background…

After all, they say they care, but they do not,

People lie. I know for a fact that people lie all the time; I’m living proof;

Proof of the damage that happens when you take it upon yourself to accept the fact that you’re evil,

That you should be locked away from everyone else.

And that is what I do.

I hide from everyone else, so I don’t fall into despair, into their clutches that pierce through the heart with metal claws.

So, when I say that I am not,

That I am not her or anyone else that you can think of,

Whatever type of girl you think I am, I’m not.

And I’m not different either.

I’m just…something you won’t and can’t understand.

Just accept that, don’t try to change me, understand me, “help” me in whatever reason you want,

Because people have tried, and I’ve said the same.

Just know,

That I am not her.