Internal Damnation

Internal Damnation

How did I find myself in this predicament again?

This time, I was so careful, I was so precautious in everything I said,

Yet, I find myself in the exact same position I was in when I started.

When I found myself in love with you.

Firmly, I tried to believe, I don’t believe in love,

I’ve never loved anyone,

And that I wasn’t in love with you.

Instead, here I am, finding myself free-falling for you.

Through the clouds, flailing through the air, stretching out my hands to break my fall.

But there’s nothing to hold onto; there’s no one there to catch me.

So I fall, I continuously fall; regretting myself for ever listening to you.

Because it was you,

You who told me that the decision was up to me,

It was you who told me that I would come at a crossroads and I would need to decide.

Here I am at the crossroads, and I chose to go one way,

But I going backwards; in reverse.

Part of me wants me let myself fall in love with you, while another part harshly reminds me of the painful anguish I went through.

So I say it again;

I’m at a crossroads, and I don’t know where to go.

Whether or not I should love you.

Taking that chance, that leap of faith, how do I know if I’ll end up falling like I am now?

What if it’s all a mistake just like I made before?

My love is strong for you, but I don’t know how you feel;

I don’t know if your love has a greater gravity of mine.

After all, you may not even love me,

You may shun me away and I’ll find myself horribly heartbroken;

Please don’t break my heart.

Not when you were the one person I trusted; please don’t.

Just know that I love you, and whether or not to tell you is causing great distress in my heart.

I just want to let you know that my love for you is causing internal damnation;

I don’t know who to tell, what to say, what else to feel.

All I ask is for one thing:

Please don’t break my heart, because that will be the death of me.

Either your rejection or the pain that is inside of me now.