When I Used to Care
There used to be a time when I actually cared
When I used to find the importance in everything,
When I used to be able to forgive…
In those days that were optimistic and full of hope, that would turn into these days:
Days of despair, sadness, depression, and self-loathing?
Who has placed this curse on to me, this hex that has paralyzed me from living?
Because I don’t feel alive, I feel like I’m rotting in the ground.
I don’t care anymore now,
I don’t care about the people around me, or who I used to be.
I don’t want to be who I am now,
I don’t want to be someone who lies, cheats, and steals,
That’s not me…
…Or is it?
Has these rough times permanently changed me,
Or this illusion…is creating a despairing future that I still cannot understand?
I’ve found that it’s easier to live without love, without hope,
Without the attitude to care.
I’m not high on life, I’m not high on drugs,
No; I’m low. Low on the depression that I’ve created for myself,
All because of something that happened years ago, that I don’t understand what happened.
Except, isn’t that a lie?
Don’t we all know what happens to us; to make us so broken and scared to ever pick up the pieces?
I cannot find them; I cannot go on living [dying, as I am] like this.
Someone please save me, someone please give me a reason to care,
To live, and not die.
…No one answers.
Just like me,
There used to be a time when they cared.