When I Used to Care

When I Used to Care

There used to be a time when I actually cared

When I used to find the importance in everything,

When I used to be able to forgive…

What happened;

In those days that were optimistic and full of hope, that would turn into these days:

Days of despair, sadness, depression, and self-loathing?

Who has placed this curse on to me, this hex that has paralyzed me from living?

Because I don’t feel alive, I feel like I’m rotting in the ground.

I don’t care anymore now,

I don’t care about the people around me, or who I used to be.

I don’t want to be who I am now,

I don’t want to be someone who lies, cheats, and steals,

That’s not me…

…Or is it?

Has these rough times permanently changed me,

Or this illusion…is creating a despairing future that I still cannot understand?

I’ve found that it’s easier to live without love, without hope,

Without the attitude to care.

I’m not high on life, I’m not high on drugs,

No; I’m low. Low on the depression that I’ve created for myself,

All because of something that happened years ago, that I don’t understand what happened.

Except, isn’t that a lie?

Don’t we all know what happens to us; to make us so broken and scared to ever pick up the pieces?

I cannot find them; I cannot go on living [dying, as I am] like this.

Someone please save me, someone please give me a reason to care,

To live, and not die.

…No one answers.

Just like me,

There used to be a time when they cared.