Words I Can’t Say
If I actually had the courage, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.
I wouldn’t be able to say my true feelings out loud…
Oh, I hate that word, feelings. They’re so complicated, they ruin things…
Sometimes they’re interpreted in ways that I didn’t mean for them to be.
Sometimes they ruin relationships that I worked so hard to make,
Sometimes, I forget that I don’t like having feelings.
They just take over my mind, paralyze my brain, and I get so confused…
Because I don’t want to like anyone, not anyone,
Even though you’re even more amazing than I really think,
Even though it pains me to even talk to you, knowing that you don’t how I feel about you.
And there I go again, use that word feel.
The world would be so uncomplicated if humans didn’t have feelings, if we just word mechanically like robots.
I would take everything back just so that I wouldn’t have to feel about you this way,
Because I know that we will never be together.
So no, I don’t want to be optimistic, I don’t want to confess to you about the way I feel, I don’t want to think about the future without you.
It doesn’t matter that I think there’s a physical attraction between us; it doesn’t matter that I would give everything up to be with you.
Because it’s not happening.
And I won’t ever be able to say that I love you.
Because I do, but you can’t know that. You can’t know how I really feel.