It's been cold here lately, especially this morning when I left my house at 5:30am. I don't know why, but I was inspired by it! - Ps. the ending was an unexpected development!
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Submitted: Feb 15, 2008
Reads: 209
Comments: 26
Likes: 17
Bristle twigs
Crunching feet
Useless fingers
Swollen and weak
Water rush
Colder still
Creepy whispers
The icy mill
Calm you step
Toward the door
The wooden creek
The echo sore
Villain steps
Up the stair
Into a room
The light there fair
Broken glass
Dusty vine
Outside the window
The blackest sky
The arctic breeze
Tickling locks
Lace her face
Fighting the frost
A silent hand
Against the door
The wooden creek
The echo sore
Villain steps
Up the stair
Into the room
And hand in hand
Lips they linger
Bodies entwine
Two secret lovers
For just one night
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Comments:
Very nice...
Its almost as if i was there watching them disapear in the dark...
Love it... :)
x x Mel x x
Posted: Feb 15, 2008
This is a true story. Villain the proper word. You are using multi levels of your brain here. High Five.
Posted: Feb 15, 2008
Fantastic ! Very poetic ! And this history got a very sexy secret . And I liked this Idea :"Two secret lovers
For just one night" . Does the cold make you to think in many hot things, it is not? Great write!
Posted: Feb 15, 2008
You have excelled yourself with this peice really great.......visions you expressed are great.....Till Later Juliet
Posted: Feb 15, 2008
Nicky this is quite lovely and the sharpness makes us shiver.
Posted: Feb 15, 2008
Good poem; strong imagery.
Posted: Feb 16, 2008
Hey Nic, the ending was unexspected for me as well.
it is a very interesting piece. Was able to give you 3 'I like it's' LOL! ya, that happens sometimes, the page don't change and you press it again thinin' it didn't take then before you know it you have a bunch of 'I like it's' LOL cool huh? Hey take care....peace and love ...katie
Posted: Feb 16, 2008
Really really good. It was just like I was there with them. Really good descriptions, I loved it:)
XxxxxBrokenxxxxX
Posted: Feb 16, 2008
How brilliant!
I love it!
Great wording! You are so impressive! This is really well structured.
Keep it up!
xoxo.
Posted: Feb 17, 2008
darn good poem :D
Posted: Feb 17, 2008
Very good and the imagery is amazing!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008
I can't wait to read more of your writing!
Posted: Feb 25, 2008
Irwin
(not registered user)
Very atmospheric, painting a lovely breath-holding image.
Posted: Feb 25, 2008
Sent shivers down my spin! its really good!
Posted: Mar 9, 2008
I love the way it flows. very beautiful. LOVED it!
Steph:)
Posted: Mar 24, 2008
Wow. It almost seems like I was inside the wall or part of the housee. That's amazing, very few poems actually to that to me. I love your writing style, its amazing.
~Kaori
Posted: Mar 29, 2008
Great writting:)
Posted: Mar 31, 2008
Gave it a "I like it" for it's simplicity and gr8 imagination
Posted: Apr 15, 2008
Wow, why didn't I read more of your stuff earlier! So simple, yet so vivid.....
Posted: May 6, 2008
wow you made it so crisp and beautiful you have great talent!
Posted: May 11, 2008
This poem is reallyyy good. ;)
Posted: May 17, 2008
I loved the rhyming. It was beautiful.
Posted: Jun 2, 2008
I liked it a lot. And I really enjoyed the short stanzas. It kind of made it flow faster and keep my attention more.
Posted: Jul 15, 2008
i really enjoyed this , poetry as it should be , telling a story . if freezing your bum off , inspires you to such quality , dare i suggest , you sit on a block of ice every day.
Posted: Jul 21, 2008
great imagery and great flow!!
Simple and wonderfully presented words!
LOVED it!^___^
You do have a great talent!^_^
nuttyz~
Posted: Jul 28, 2008
Gave it a *like it* great idea..
The lines 'two secret lovers for just one night' has a great vibe about it.. Love it.. write some more plz
~Danniella
Posted: Dec 2, 2008
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