This is a story of the fates. I can't say anymore than that, I want to see what you all come up with.
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Submitted: Aug 17, 2008
Reads: 104
Comments: 12
Likes: 5
A twist of fate
Steps up into the light
Her silent reprisal
Masked by an innocent vale
*
Hand steady as her words
Her foreplay begins
Her sax slaves the crowd
Claiming each in sight
*
At her muffled cries
Comes the snarling beast
Mouths hushing in fear
His mighty mallet falls
*
“The night bares witness!”
“The night was there!”
And cello stands to order
The stolen stars from my sky
*
After the second of the fate's
I step up into the light
“Their act was rehearsed”
I swallow in my misfortune
*
The fates, all three
Weaving cotton between their fingers
The sax, the cello
And now the humdrum beat
*
My night so empty
The mighty mallet came
And insignificant to the jury
My future love they said, awaits
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Comments:
Hi Nixie this was a compelling piece of writing pure shakespearian me thinks.
You certainly have a great knack of endearing us all to a master class of creative writing thanks for sharing it with me.
10/10 now where did i put my clannad cd?
oh yes here it is now i'm going to play my favourite song "BUACHAILL AN EIRNE" which is a celtic classic tune and then read your moving piece again BD
Posted: Aug 18, 2008
Oh heck, need to download and ponder over first!
Posted: Aug 18, 2008
Wonderful poem Nixie. Once again your words blew me away.This is so visual and deep. I really like it. I said it before and will say it again, you truly are a talented poet. I love it. Excellent Job my friend. :)
Posted: Aug 18, 2008
Wow!!! What an awesome poem!
On my first read, I felt that the 1st fate was manipulative and 2nd fate was judgemental. And 3rd fate held no rose to either in flare/drama. After several reads I thought, well Cello is a jerk for stealing your stars!
My fav line: Weaving cotton between their fingers
I'll hate to read again a few more times to see what actually I am thinking.
Awesome writing.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008
Nixie sorry to be so long getting back to you on this one! (I have been allotted the fate of “time too fast” - alas!)
Not knowing the story of the three fates I may end up with a very interesting and contrary spin on this!!! I think you have a fine fabric of words here weaving your little “story” by the way.
I like the start, almost suspenseful as you suggest the emergence of the “fate”, with a deceptive “innocent vale” disguising the act(s) of vengeance to come. And so she begins with purpose and endeavor enslaving everyone in her sights. (Perhaps she does this still with her “innocent vale”, a sweet lover perhaps?) Or is she the day – innocence and light personified (a lover indeed) but capturing everyone, to then throw them to the seediness and blackness of night? Because the next two verses seem to suggest night and darkness and shadow taking over – she leads them to him - the devil, the night worker.
You, the author, appears in the tale – “stolen stars from my sky”, day has plucked the light and innocence from you, who once did not see the shadows in the dark, and night hones in on your loss of joy and innocence in the way that Adam and Eve were made to see “sin” in being naked after the emergence of the devil. Aha, but then a third fate? Day and night were once musical and delightful (sax and cello) until their well orchestrated control of you (and the world) took hold. So the final fate is monotony, dullness, boredom, lack of reason for living “so empty”, “insignificant” – yet still trickery! A promise of a future love is all that you can go on, although you sound skeptical about that verdict – more likely the way the fates have decreed it your life will never see light and joy and love as once you did, or could have. In fact the final most devastating blow dished out to you (in fact to all of us) by the fates has been to make you mistrusting and to see the shadows in everything.
I enjoyed this immensely Nixie!!
Posted: Aug 27, 2008
wow.. this is really good! sounds like those three fates from the stories of the anceint gods of rome or something.. awesome! really creative!
Posted: Aug 27, 2008
Been away for a little bit; check out My News. This was a strong and eeire poem. I like it, but I will have to read it a few more times and give another comment. Hope all is well, Take Care, Ted
Posted: Sep 4, 2008
Sorry for being late sweetheart...
i gave up...i am waiting for your response to help me out...i want to understand the theme...please....
lol...never felt such lost before...may be the after effects of FLU...heehee...
trying to find excuse....lol...
Posted: Sep 6, 2008
Great , it is like Sadman's Tales. Very Creative one. I must confess that i have took much time to understand some expressions but it was great.
Posted: Sep 8, 2008
great poem nixie , i believe in fate too but been trying to think what instrument i would be .. hmmmm
think i would plump for clarinet , notes come from the heart ,
Posted: Sep 9, 2008
Ah, fate does the twist again. Very good poem. Entertaining. And what a great ending. So Dramatic.
Posted: Sep 22, 2008
Very nice
Posted: Oct 5, 2008
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