If only someone saw

Before this got out of control

If only someone knew

How I really felt

If only someone was there

To listen when I needed it

If only someone believed

I could do this

Many times

I cried alone

Wishing someone

Was there

Now I wish

Someone had

Seen through

My mask

If only someone had cared

Enough to ask

I hid

Myself away

Hoping no one

Would notice

Hoping and praying

That someone actually cared

I spent my time

Locked away from the world

Afraid to leave

Afraid to care

Because caring

Means pain

And heartache

I can't handle

I thought I'd gotten over this

But maybe I'm not

As strong

As I thought

If only someone thought

That I wasn't okay

I was lying

To myself

How could I

Be honest with anyone else?

Afraid to care

Afraid to think

Being thoughtless

Numbs the pain

Of everything

Else

I thought I could

Hide it away

That maybe it

Would disappear

I thought I

Was alone

Alone with scary ideas

Racing around my head

I thought

It was all

My fault

I deserved it

I felt an outsider

Unwanted

Un touchable

Unneeded

If only someone had felt

Like they could have helped

I thought

My friends

Didn’t need

Me anymore

That I was

Not needed

They no longer

Cared about me

Afraid to think

Afraid to feel

Because feelings mean

Feeling

Emotions I couldn’t

Control

The emotions hurt

They ache in my heart

A real physical pain

That won’t go away

They won’t go away

Because I don’t know

What they really are –

Feelings

If only someone knew

What the feelings were

They could have helped

But no one ever saw

Because I didn’t

Open up to them

I know

I know its not my fault

But the feelings won’t stop

I don’t understand

I don’t feel it

I don’t know

How I keep going

But I do

I keep going

Feeling numb all the way

If only someone offered

Me a helping hand

A light in

A darkened world

Everything

Something

Anything

All I needed

Was someone

To believe in me

Just anyone

Just anyone

To be an anchor

In a turbulent sea

Of troubles

An anchor

To hold onto

Someone to hold

When there’s nothing else

Maybe if only

Someone believed

In me

Then maybe

Things could

Have been

Different

If only someone had pointed

It out

I could have learned

That that someone

Was someone

I knew so well

Someone who

Was always there

But I couldn’t

See it

That someone

Had always been there

With me

Constantly perpetually

That someone

Was myself

If only I knew.