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Body of Desire

Poem By: Olwen
Poetry


rewritten..thanks for advise View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jul 6, 2008    Reads: 91    Comments: 7    Likes: 2   


She should not be here, she should not stay,

Has allshe needs, but still she strays.

Her heart is pounding, her blood on fire.

Patiently waiting , body of desire

Funny though she feels not guilt,

Just longing that steals her breath.

The hall is dark she checks the shadows,

One last glimpse her lips full, red, parted,

White teeth, separated by pink tongue,

And a hunger to feel and taste, devour,

Be devoured, an escape to what was,

What is not, and what she can have,

Ravished completely fully deeply ,

Her secret safe for now..the door closes.


2

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Comments:

Guilty pleasure seems so tempting as a sin. ^^
Great job, olwen! ^^

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Jadey... reality or fantasy that is the question..I had fun writing it. Chow Olwen

great poem, sex and sin, such a guilty pleasure. reality or fantasy both are fun!! 'the building of excitement that steals her breath' is my favourite line. how we all love to feel that excitement.
looking forward to reading more of your work.
snow

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much for your comments..that is my fav line too, very steamy

Hi Snow,
Thank you for your comments..i love that line myself.steals your breath hmmmm real I will be checking out your writing as well. THanks again
chow Olwen

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Hi Snow,
Thank you for your comments..i love that line myself.steals your breath hmmmm real I will be checking out your writing as well. THanks again
chow Olwen

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Oh, did you just look at my diary? :) I feel as though you wrote of my longing here, really, so spot on I dare say anymore than, it's all here, so sensual it gives me shivers. I will read this again and again! ~ Nixie

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Peach gave me some advise on this poem, so I reworked it, take a look at it agian if you get a chance, i believe it reads better now. And yes, longing that takes your breath now that is sweet...thanks Nixie

Very sinful. Care for a suggestion? I am no literary giant, but I think this would be even more powerful if you made the line length equal in syllables. Ah, I think that would rock this very commanding poem.

Very good.

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you Peach I will rework it and see what you think
Thanks Olwen

Well I love it!
What do you think Olwen? It sort of shimmies now.
You've created a more in depth sensuality.

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

I love it too, thanks for the input, it does sort of shimmy with sensuality
Thanks Peach



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