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"...so that's what happend?"

Poem By: Penny Ritchie
Poetry


Unconventional poem that doesn't follow any rules of form.
..and
--Is it real?!--well--I'm not in jail yet-Am I?!!! View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Aug 30, 2008    Reads: 50    Comments: 8    Likes: 4   


“…so that’s what happened?!”

 

Truth was never a consequence in your mind-

And my stomach boiled.

 

Except on Sundays-

Or talking to a friend.

Your painted face never buried your vice-

To those of us who knew too much.

 

Summer grew old-

And I discovered two halves

One divine,

The other dank,

Your disguise waned-

And my stomach boiled.

 

It was late-

The hour-

When your moments quit.

 

After I slit your throat-

            That’s when I stopped caring.

When I strung you up by one foot and you were wearing your taupe flats-

They shone with gloss as you swung.

Back and forth

Back and forth

 

In front of me-

You leaked-

Dripping on my blue, unvaccumed carpet.

I pursed my lips and went for the remote-

And my stomach boiled.

 

On top of the record player were the cheerios-

Not in their box.

That annoyed me.

More than the slight

Swish

Swish

In the corner of my eye.

 

Now-Dismembered in red-faced rejections, you move in shifts.

Still - beneath dark soil,

Seething - beneath my skin.

 

So I run,

Tap, tapping on the pavement,

Until a whimper is,

And I – unaware, approach.

 

And there you grow-

A legume of indifference,

Without patience - Unless for you.

But now- my stomach lies quiet.


4

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Comments:

Amazing poem, very dark and indeed a little scary, but nonetheless very well written. Thank you for sharing!

iMazed

Posted: Aug 30, 2008

Gracias, iMazed! I'll check out ur stuff too!!!!

Posted: Aug 30, 2008

Eeeek! I love your incredibly originality in this poem. So dark and heaving with anxiety. Awesome poem.

Posted: Aug 31, 2008

Author Comment:

yay! Thanks!! My BFF said I need to write things that are more light hearted since I love cupcakes, flowers, bubble gum and bright colors. But what can I say-this is the kind of crap that comes out when I write---

Excellent! Really well written, and i can see the deep reservoir of feeling you put into it. Bellisimo. Awesomely done.

Posted: Aug 31, 2008

Author Comment:

Resevoir...I like that! :)

well written-my favorite part was the "unvaccumed carpet" it made it very "real" nice job keep writing!

Posted: Sep 17, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much! --- I hate to vaccume!

What a trip. A trip into darkness. Sent the hairs on the back of my neck standing.

craaig

Posted: Sep 20, 2008

Author Comment:

yaaay! ---in a good way! :)

Wow! lots of hatred for someone haha..excellent writing skills though..loved it!

Posted: Sep 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Many thanx! Hate is such a strong word tho...I prefer "greatly dislike".... :)

I liked it. I think that the structure of your poem slightly added that sense of quick thinking of someone in paranoia or more or less the crazed thoughts of someone. Also just your use of punctuation emphasizes the emotion. Very strong sense of emotion was in the poem, and I just found it, not humorous, but slightly ironic that the murderer could sit by as her victim swings from the roof of the room.
I will continue to read your stuff and ask if you would kindly and graciously bestow some of your time to read and critique some of my poems. Thanks.

Posted: Oct 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much for ur compilment! I'd love any ideas, suggestions, changes(or compliments) u can grace me with! I'll check ur stuff out now!! :)



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Other writing by Penny Ritchie myspace in a few sundays becoming liable white like snow the darker parts More..



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Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.

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