Breast Cancer

Your mammogram is...suspicious...

That dreaded phrase

We need you to come in

To see the Doctor.

That was the start

Of a never ending

diagnosis

Of maybe death

Heck Im only 53

That just can’t be

I have a life

I have a family

I have hopes, dreams

Of a future

Of a life beyond a diagnosis

But is it to be?

My heart was torn out of my chest

Torn, tattered, abused

once again

But by my own body?

My own breasts

That delighted some

Fed my daughters

That have been a part of me

How could this be

My own body rebelling?

Becoming something

Unreal, sick, hurting.

My mind goes into overdrive

What, where when how

Will I ever overcome

And be whole again?

Sheer determination

Holds me aground

To my family

My self.

I can do this

I can’t do this

I WILL do this

I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!

Part Two:

The surgery, things

Coming out of your body

Like a hidden spring

The rest of the story.

The pain, not just from surgery

But the looks on faces

Of people who know

That you are sick.

That pitying look

That dreaded "C" word

That plan of action

From the Doctor.

The plans that totally suck

Chemo, radiation,

Hair loss sickness

More surgeries.

Thats not a plan

That is torture

Chemicals that

make you sick

Surgeries that hurt

radiation that

does who knows what

to your body.

A body that is now foreign

To me, my senses

overwhelmed

Overworked and tired.

These are not PLANS

My plans are to live

To play

To love!

Is there any time left

For the things I want to "plan"

Not right now

It's all bout the Cancer ,not me!