Aw, everything in this is so true! What was you worried about, it's great! I think it's important for children to experience every emotion, god or bad, for emotional stability relies on experience. That goes for falling or crying, if they don't learn how to deal with being sad or in pain, they will be less likely to handle it later on. I think you've made some good points, but most of all the last one, children love their parents, and feed off of them. They learn from them and it's important the parent isn't anxious or that reflects on them. I know you know all this already, being into psychology. It is really interesting. I loved the poem, you always get my brain going and that can sometimes be a challenge on the best of days! :) ~ Nixie

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Great poem, I love the way you reflect you and your childs emotions, you've made many very true points and reflections on the way children grow up, hope I interpreted that right, once again, great poem & keep up the good work!
~Elz

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

This is just soooooooooooo sweet!
I mean that's EXACTLY what mom's all around the world feel.........and let me assure you i was the naughtiest child in our whole area when i was 4!!!!!

and now i feel so bad for annoying my mom sooooooo much!!!!!!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

This is a really sweet piece....don't get why you are worried. I love your pieces. They are pieces for all ages to enjoy, and thats great.
I loved it...big time!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Another uplifting and enjoyable write from you!! Don't worry so much about what others think... not everything you write will appeal to everyone who reads it but overall as writers, we hope to capture a varied audience. Things do look and feel different through the eyes and mind of a child, don't they?!! Well done!
Happy writing and reading.....Jerry (^_^)

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

oh my gosh, this was sooo adorable! it really explored a young child's mind, and so well at that! You have nothing to improve, trust me, I LOVED it and others will too!
STeph(:

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

ohhhhh, it was Adorable!
I so loved the line about 'your anxious soul breaking my cocoon' oh, the truth that is in that statement.
so many mothers smother thier young and in doing so keeps them from inner growth. Pratibha, I thought there were great messages in here, and it was adorably written through the childs perspective. ^_^
~katie

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

it's all so touching and so wild!!
You took on the challenge well, Pratibha!!
I'm glad i took the time to read it!!

~LeAnne

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Awww, that was so sweet. Your son is very lucky to have a mother like you. It must be extremely hard for a mother never to be 'anxious' about their child growing, learning and beginning to do things on their own. I can totally relate to this from a child's point of view; sometimes a child needs to learn from their own mistakes instead of their mother wrapping them up in cotton wool all the time, as the child will always take everything for granted, including their mother.

Keep up the great work Pratibha!

Olola.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

By the way, I really love the layout of the poem! It's childish...but in a good way as this is written so that the persona is a child.

Keep up the great work!!!!!

Olola.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

hi! pratibha. this one is definitely a poem , i can relate to on a personal level. coming to think of it, i sure gave my mom lot of anxious (that's an understatement) moments. and still do. as i consider it my birth right (!!!)

i'm still soaking in ur poem and still making plans for my mom (what next!) poor her, a terror me!

ur mom must be at peace now for no longer she'll go pieces thinking of ur safely and welfare. well done. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Aww this is so sweet. And there's NOTHING wrong with the way you write, you shouldn't have a thing to worry about. You're very talented.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

aww that was so sweet... i liked how it was in the point of view of a child.. it was magnificent and very touching!! i loved it =)

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

I don't think you have a thing to worry about. This was a great poem in your own wonderful style! I worry every single time I post a poem. There are some really fabulous poets on this site and their thought process is so deep that it can be a little intimidating. You and I though, we go for simple and heartfelt and it works for us! So, no worries. Your poem was great! Also, very true and it works as a good reminder to relax!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

I enjoy your style. Don't worry about others. Poetry is often personal and style is something you develop over time and what feels "right" to you. I love the idea of your poem. The push and pull of being a parent, a mother most of all. The anxiety of knowing what "could" happen and the wisdom of knowing some things must happen for your little bird to fly. The hurt, the pain, the trying new things they may not like. All of it rolled into one knot that's tethered to your soul. For you feel what he feels and wish you could take away all the unpleasantries. Relax Mama bird. Let your little one fly just a little farther each day...give him just enough slack to explore, so that when he is finally grown he'll know how to fly into his own life...and he'll want to carry pieces of your heart with him.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Lol. That is the psychology of a child. Sometimes they need discipline, to be able to truly 'grow up'. I enjoyed this poem very much. You did an excellent job capturing the moods on both sides with the child feeling mischievous and the mother anxious.

Don't feel this poem was childish, on the contrary, it is a very mature piece. It's not that little love poem we all write once in a while, nor the 'feeling blue' poem we all write either. It's a poem that shows emotions we can ALL relate to. Even though we have not all been that mother, we've all been that child. And trust me, I definetely was THAT child. Lol The most important part is that YOUR poem also has meaning, far beyond that of emotion. It has a moral, and that comes with a very valuable lesson.

I loved this poem and I'm going to click the little blue " I liked it" button.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

You have a good rough sketch which could be expanded and refined into a short story or condensed into a poem. More specificity is needed whatever option you chose.

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Oh, this is beautiful! It sounds like a lullaby from a child to his MOm. So soothing and comforting. ^^ BTW, belated happy birthday to your son. ^^ Godbless! ^^

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Wow, What a beautiful poem. I love this....you have nothing to worry about concering your stories, poems you are very talented. What a lovely picture. Like watching your children grow-up, letting go, hoping for the best, but yet, in the process how hard it is to watch them making mistakes perhaps you warned them about. But being able to sit back, hold your breath, and letting them learn from their own mistakes, or rejoicing with them, when they make great decisions. Finding their own paths in life.......Teaching, and guiding.

Your a beautiful writer with so much heart that's overflowing with warmth Pratibha!! I love it!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Dear Pratibha

Lovely piece of work.Very true but to worry is human nature not knowing what is going to happen.Letting go is very difficult but has to happen at some point,
Very spontaneous ,keep them coming

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Awww Pratibha! This poem is not childish at all, I think it's fantastic! Very beautiful and true! It's lovely to see a poem from a different point of view, and percpective, we all want to protect our kids and we forget they need to grow up some day and need a little freedom. Congrats to your son for turning 4! And thank you for sharing this very lovely poem, it made me smile :D

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Great poem, I love the way you reflect you and your childs emotions, you've made many very true points

happy birthday to your son

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Beautiful poem I agree with Raya bout all the points you made ohh and happy b-day to your son

if you got time i'd appreciate if you could check out my work it'd be honor to get it check out wit someone of such caliber talent and leave me comments on my poems !!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

I didn't find this childish at all P. I found it quiet heartfelt. Parent's are sometimes too overprotective and clingly and there comes a time when they have to let go, and you've really captured this in your write. To see the anxiety of the parent witnessed by the child is brilliant. Beautiful Job!

Posted: Jun 24, 2008

Oh, Pratibha, I loved it. It reminded me of my own six children growing up, but mine are terribly spoiled rotten. They don't want to eat food that is good for them only chips and sweets. They would die first than eat beans, except my daughter who is a mother of two. She isn't spoiled. It is just the boys, except my olderst boy who is 36 he loves beans, so it is just the 4 younger boys. This poem was so moving and so true.

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

What I really love about your writing? You always give 100% in your poems, they are keep the passion and life through out the read. The flow and the effort really takes precedent in this. The yellow lines add a touch of class. There hasn't been too many poems you have written that are needing editing. this one does not need any help at all. the art work adds a certain flair to it. A splendid read.

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

gah! i read this but i forgot to comment! probably because it was at like 3 in the morning when i read it -_-'
hahaha
ok well, this was a great poem pratibha! i thought you did the challenge well and you created a cute poem ^^ i liked how you narrated it from your son's point of view. it gave it a sweet touch :)
keep it up ^^

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

You've placed yourself in another's footsteps and done a wonderful job at that!
Be fearless not fearful of your writing! It's truly YOU!

I would have ended the poem when you wrote this line:
This little bird will always come back to you MAMA...always..

Lovely P!!

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

I mean it! Fearless NOT fearful!
Many people forget to write from the heart...you don't! Every one of your writings is so intimate to who you are and that's why people are drawn to you!

Now, get some sleep! It's late! And awake tomorrow feeling absolutely divine!

Posted: Jun 25, 2008

Hi i was soo excited when you asked me to comment on your writing !! well , it was AMAZING . i cant wait to read your other poems !!

RANYA

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Dear, dear Pratibha! Look how late I am in reading this beautiful poem! You really are a silly little goose, worrying about the worth of your poems when they are so adorably written. My favourite lines are: '...I may never fly again...
Let me ‘learn’ how to balance...
Please stop your anxious hands to catch me...
I may never be fearless again...'
Exactly what I told my mom when I was young. And still tell my husband when he is overprotective! But that does not make my love them any less...

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

this is a really lovely poem and oh so true. never fear that he wont need you because i know for a fact he will. my eldest son moved out last year and though it was heartbreading to let him go i know he still needs me. he phones me up just to check that i am ok and comes visiting me when i am alone. we need each other, and you are such a fantastic mum he will always need you around. snow x

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Pratibha, Another beautiful work of art. I just love the way your everlasting light shines peacefully through your words. I can tell your poetry comes from your heart. Thank you dearly for sharing such a beautiful poem.

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Reading this beautiful poem, I was transported for a moment to those years so long ago when my son was your baby's age and it seemed I was anxious all the time! He, so full of curiosity and wonder. Me, so full of joy...and worry. It is, I fear, every mother's conflict and we each find our way through it the best we can. Seeing it in your poem through the eyes of a child is truly wondrous. Thank you.

My favorite line and the one that caused me to tear up, and smile all at the same time? "Where do you think I will go?" As a child, he can't even comprehend not returning to you. And he never will.

Beautifully written dear heart.

Sheryl

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

As i'm Reading this beautiful poem, I was imaginging for a moment to those years when i was 5years and it seemed I was anxious and naughty all the time and worry. I thank God for my Mom for helpng do all she can to make sure i grow up with a nice character and behaviour. So your nice poem is so nice and it make me remember all those forgotten childhood days. Thank you very much for making out time to write and reflect to the life of most of us.
THE YELLOW LINES ARE OK, PERFECTLY OK.
MY REGARDS TO YOUR LITTLE BOY..............
Chibuoke

Posted: Jun 27, 2008

Gorgeous Pratibha and written so much from the heart. Sorry I am so late to read this one, I have been busy in my life. I love the way you express your son's point of view as well as your own. You are going to be a wonderful mother who will "let him fly" when the time is right - knowing he will always love you no matter what. This reminds me a lot of a poem I have on my site "Fragrances" - you have probably read.
Everything fits! I read this before I read what the challenge was. I like the colour highlights but someone once told me not to do it!

Posted: Jun 27, 2008

Oh my gosh Pratibha, I can't believe how wonderful this is. I would have commented sooner but I was a youth conference for my area this week and I've only just got back. This is amazing. I can't believe it. Wonderful. And look at all the comments you've gotten, it's a sign that this is really an amazing piece. I'm glad I gave you this challenge.
~Kaori

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

Wow...truly beautiful...i really can't describe it in words...sorry i don't write as much as others...i just feel less is more and this poem is just amazing...i love it!...what else can I say you are an amazing person Pratibha...zia

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

Thanks for inviting me to read and comment, Pratibha.

I think it is childish, but all the more beautiful for its childishness. How can the words of one so young be untruthful? The truth and hope of your words are illuminated by voicing them from the perspective of your dear son. Well done!

As far as the yellow highlighted lines:
The first one, in my view, does not fit the child's voice very well. it would fit better if you changed the word "apart" to "afar", as in the quoting of Funnybunny's challenge line in your summary.
The second challenge line, in my humble opinion, does not fit the childs voice, or the poem, at all.

I hope that you can accept my honest opinions for what they are and the helpful spirit in which they are given. my wife tells me that I can sometimes be too blunt.

I think you have a good poem here -- full of hope, love, and honesty. I think that if you ditch the challenge lines, and the line wedged between them, you could make a good poem great.

Yours truly
craig

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

Hello,
my computer is still busted so i am sitting in a cramped net cafe and writing you this comment. See how much you mean to me LOL.
O.k i dont have much time so here are the corrections:
1.There is no need for the "EVEN" before naughtier plz get rid of it.
2.Wrinkles on YOUR forehead sounds much better.
3. the whole bit about food was added too abrubtly, i mean one minute you are being so poignant talking about butterflies and cuccoons and the next you jump to food. Maybe you could change food to sustenance or maybe alter the sentence a bit to give it more meaning.
4.Let me lose "A" game, that my dear is a huge blunder LOL.
4. Change Am to "COME" back to you or you could even add return back yo you. Am is not a proper article for this line.
5.Look at the third last line it doesnt gel properly, you need to revise this one.
Phew! that really was a mouth full. Hey and the simplicity of this poem is what gives it strength and integrity, it just needs a little polishing to sparkle like the diamond that it is LOL.

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

awe, this is so sweet and awesome! keep up the amazing work!

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Dearest Pratibha, i am very sorry for reading it so late! It is such a sweet little poem, i feel the yellow highlighted lines at the end fits perfectly. But, my favorite line is " this little bird will always come back to you, Mama.........", and the picture looks very, very cute and nice. I "LOVED" reading this poem! The emotions are so true and real!

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

I loved reading this poem too! I think my favorite poems of yours are when you write from your sons perspective. You capture him so well but at the same time slide your anxieties, worries, and hopes for him into it as well; like all moms. I love your poems because you write straight from the soul. Lovely as always!

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

This was such a beautiful poem, Pratibha! The love of a mother for her child just swept over me as I read it, and it made me feel peaceful, as if my mother were sitting next to me instead of 1500 miles away. Mothers cannot help being anxious for their children because they love them so tremendously. But you are a wonderful mother, Pratibha. Your love and care for your son shine through in your poems. He is such a lucky boy!!

Stephanee :)

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

guess u got so many nice comments already..... mine arent going to add much...
but this is another special from Julie!!!
ok i may not be a mommma... but i surely wud like to be one to get a first hand feel of ur wonderful POEM!

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

I Really Liked This One. It Never Hurts To Be Over Protective.

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

its really good! very deep and touching. well im not a mom but this is a good way of describing how my brother probably thinks :]

Posted: Jul 25, 2008

this is such a beautiful poem, wonderfully written, and truly heartfelt.

Posted: Jul 27, 2008

i really like this one as it is so true in so many ways everything you mention here about us moms being anxious is very true as mothers we want our children to grow up to be strong and independent and well rounded and the only way for them to achieve all of those things is by us letting go and letting them fall down and scrape knees and make their own mistakes and so on but at the same time that we know we need to do all of those things we want to hold our children and never let them go never to experience pain or heartache or suffering or anything we preceive as bad being a mother is truly the hardest and most rewarding and honorable job in the world

oh before i forget i absolutly think the highlighted lines fit very well into the poem actually i think they are a perfect fit and also i want to tell you that i could really feel the emotion of an anxious mother in this poem GREAT JOB :)

Posted: Aug 12, 2008