I gave this an "I like it"...i really liked it lots...

in this line of urs....

I will share the secrets of life, if you dare.

will it be better if it's care....??
not sure...though...u r the best judge....

this is simple and cute poem nd honest writing

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

I love this poem, its great.. yer a wonderful poet and I never knew, wow.
You should really write more poems but don't forget to write that story over spring break,lol

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

The subtle repetitions, enjoyable imagery, relateable subject matter, and simple structure all flow tagether seemlessly to make this a piece to remember. As far as constructive criticism goes, I can say only to either indent each new stanza or to space between them, to make it look prettier, but the poem itself needs no adjusting. Very nice work.

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

So ttrue, so true. I found myself shaking my head in agreement with every line!

Posted: Apr 20, 2008

this is so true Life is totally not fair anywayz nice ryhming keep it up

Posted: Apr 21, 2008

ahh life; everyone experiences different things but we all live similar lives. it really is a very interesting poem.. i like it =)

Posted: Apr 23, 2008

Nice poem. You have a very interesting idea of what life is.

Posted: Apr 23, 2008

Raya:

If you want to read my thoughts and ideas on how poetry is best written and presented, then I welcome and encourage to read my posting of "Love Intended: #1, #2 & #3". My thoughts and ideas are most clearly expressed in some of the comments appended to it.

This poem is good for it's choice of theme. It needs some work with respect to some of the conjugations, eliminating redundancies and unneeded syllables, word choices and sequencing.

Some examples: Recommended deletions are in parentheses "()".

Life! (is a) A mix(ture) of happy and sad.
(Life is n) Not always (amiable) friendly and fair.
It teaches (us) to take (the) good with (the) bad.
(I will s) Share the secrets of life, if you dare.

Life! (can seem b) Busy and fast! (l) Like the wind.
(It’s l) Like a swing that goes up and down.(s)
(Let’s l) Look for facts about life and (we) you’ll find
(It can make you) You'll laugh like (the) a clowns.

Life does not come with expires date
Sometimes (life) seems crazy! (that can m) Makes your head spin.
Through (the) hard times (life) seems like a mate.
(Sometimes p) Pain washes over us all. (l) Like the rain.

Life! (is like a) A real lif(v)e game of tug-of-war.(s)
Let’s (take a) ride (in) this crazy life with our car.(s)

These are just my thoughts. Hope they help. It is your poem and so, therefore, you must decide.

If you do re-write it, let me know and I will give it another read and assign it an "I Like It" vote.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Posted: Apr 23, 2008

very creative and good word content!! it was fantabulous

Posted: Apr 24, 2008

this is really really good!! i enjoyed it sooo much!!!!! very creative!

Posted: Apr 25, 2008

so true. loved the poem and word choice. take care.
Lydia_xxxx

Posted: May 11, 2008

Like it..it'z one of thoze life poems..and i like reading thoze kind of poems.. i give it an 9 out of 10..

Posted: May 19, 2008

i really liked this. It was catchy and might be in my head for a little while lol.
It was written really well.
keep it up ^^
~mandy

Posted: May 21, 2008

i really iked this good work :)

Posted: May 23, 2008

Let’s take a ride in this crazy life with our cars...

Though life is full of turmoils, we should never give up. Good job, Raya:)

Posted: May 23, 2008

Nice poem, well written, Ed Bradley goes on a bit doesn't he?

Posted: May 24, 2008

i get the moral to the poem and i like life poems

Posted: Jun 1, 2008

i really like this poem
... but
my fav line is:::

Life can seem busy and fast like the wind.
It’s like a swing that goes up and downs

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

i loved this poem

Posted: Jun 8, 2008

hi! raya. u said it - life is a mixture. but what a wonderful mixture, where if one moment there is pain, another offers lots of laughter. and thus it passes away. and we shouldn't forget, now our lives've the gladdening feature of all booksie writers. (spicy, eh!) lively poem. lol. ;-)

Posted: Jul 9, 2008