There’s a sinking happening here and I’m heading for the negative,
Right at the very moment when I thought that I had more to give.
I celebrate my indifference
With petulance as my preference,
Am I obsolete, is my life complete,
Shall I hit delete and admit defeat?
I ruminate and rehearse my attack,
Then procrastinate and write verse to your back
That will never turn around and view my face
In this hopeless, dull and desolate place,
With its warm dry bed and a drought of motivation
Below the x and y axis and its unfathomable equation.
My ponderous thoughts and precious prose capsize my life’s ambition,
And my meditative soliloquies ensure affairs with indecision.
I pillage my brain and plunder my plans as I hunt for a recollection,
Of a fragment in time way back then when my life had vague projection.
My fixed and dilated pupils infect a doubt in my ability
As they surrender to the middle distance in a trance of mediocrity.
Is this a cruel and heartless chemical imbalance?
Or a circumstance in life’s game of chance?
Should I opt for the joss sticks and some new age meditation
Or clamber up the curve with traditional medication?
I’m perceived to be a thinker, lost in thought and quite enchanting,
But inside my head my scrambled thoughts leave me angry and resenting
These contented hollow husks, happy lives and lack of fear,
While I’m left in my neural nightmare in a maze of smoke and mirrors.
I’m plotting my coordinates through zero to the positive,
I desperately extrapolate from this gloomy cloud filled negative.
My broken lines trace a path from dry to sold ice,
Where I find my common denominator, my mirrored happy life
Where there is movement, purest clarity and some foot holds on the hill,
To the summit of contentment and a different kind of pill.