No ‘R’ In Bath
There’s no R in bath and no matter how hard I try,
I simply can’t comply with your phonetic lie.
There’s no R in last
And there’s no R in blast,
I’m finding it hard and I just can’t get passed
That it isn’t the Queen’s English to alter these words
With an extra little R that sounds so absurd.
There’s no R in shaft and there’s no R in fast,
If there was I could say that your talking out of your arse!
Staff is another along with raft, laugh and daft,
And don’t get me started on path and giraffe.
Yet mass, gas and maths would be one R too far,
But mask, flask and cast simply leave me aghast,
You leave me no choice but to take you to task.
Your U’s become A’s and your OO’s become U’s,
So luck becomes lack and look becomes luck.
Your R’s become W’s, Good Mawning you bid me,
And try as you might you just can’t forgive me
For flattening my vowels and saying what I see,
My accent authentic, but do I really sound twee?
There’s no R in plant and there’s no R in chant,
Yet your imaginary friend isn’t present in ants.
Elephant escapes too along with wants and harassed,
But with slant, vast and asked you have really surpassed
Your dialectal need to baffle and intrigue me
With your verbal modulation that both humours and irritates me.
Your statements become questions
As you babble your inflections
And I’m left to despair to do nothing but laugh
At myself as I continue with my life daarn saarf!!