We were together a matter of months, but
they were the best of my life. You were the
first person to really look at me and see
something other than what was on the surface.
I got caught up in the headiness of it all,
thought I was in love with you, and then you
broke up with me. The first boy to dump me
and the first to break me - that was you.
You were everything I needed at the time, the
person who brought me strength and who
taught me that there was something in life
other than a bleak, depressing future.
Nowadays, as I sit and look at you and your
girlfriend, jealousy overwhelms me. You are
happy with her, and I'm happy for you, but you
have something I'll never have.
You have love, you have sex, you have a "normal"
relationship. I just have jealousy, bitterness, sorrow
and an ongoing gut feeling that all my marriage will
do is make me look like a desperate woman.
I want to show you that I'm worthy of love, that I am a
good person and that you were wrong to dump me the
way you did and to insult me for weeks afterwards. I want
you to see the woman that you shouldn't have dumped.
I want you to feel jealous of me, to look at my relationship
and think "Wow, I wish I had that" like I've done for the last
year. I want you to feel the way I've felt for so long, and I want
you to feel as bitter as I have, as angry as I have, and as lost as me.
I loved you. There, I admit it. I loved you and trusted you,
and you broke me. You broke my spirit, you broke my trust
and you made me think men just wanted me to break my
heart. How could you do that to me?
Once upon a time, I loved you and I thought you loved me.
Then you walked away, leaving me feeling sick and angry,
and found yourself the perfect relationship. I'm happy for you,
but I wish I could go back in time and make it all end differently.
You broke me.