Too well, I remember the silence,
in the middle of your cries,
the blue that formed around your lips,
and the life stripped from your eyes.

You didn't get a birthday gift,
today was not your day,
but at two you didn't understand,
us treating you this way,

It was just after the party,
your parents left you in my care,
I begged you "please stop crying",
I admit that I was scared.

I left the room to get the phone,
cause things were getting frantic,
I held you close and called your mom,
trying not to panic.

Then all of a sudden in a horrid shout,
your eyes rolled in your head,
the ambulance was on it's way,
and soon you would be dead.

I remember I gave you CPR,
in attempt of resuscitation,
screaming and crying I pounded your chest,
in shock from sheer devastation.

"DOA" was all I heard,
as they took you from my arm,
and the way your parents stared at me,
as if I meant to harm.

Asphyxiating you drowned yourself,
how could that even be?
at thirteen I did not understand,
all I could blame was me.

To this day I hope they know,
that I really, really tried,
as I remember, that day in September,
the day that Payton died.