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Tags: Jaunt, Poem, Poetry

A long poem I wrote in 2001.

Submitted:Dec 22, 2009    Reads: 60    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   

(i. Descent)

Venture out away from civilization
Take the only road I knew
Search for a dwelling to bury myself
Like a hermit to his cave
To vent all the emotions consuming him
Searching for a creative outlet to release his forgotten energies
We all have the hermit within us

See reality fading in the background
I will not be followed into my descent
My face shows I am here and attentive to your world
My heart is with those I love
And my mind...

You cannot see me leave...

(ii. Mirrored Daydreams)

I stopped to see you where emotions and logic collide
Sitting in your rocking chair staring into the abyss
Hiding behind those that fight for the dominant position
Fearful to take a stance on what cannot be understood
Choosing not to speak up to defend those who fight for truth

I sat with you a while
You swore understanding could never build a bridge between us
Said the end result was all we could share
Is not the end result the bridge in itself?
I am just like you
Nothing like you
Do not patronize me; you only patronize yourself

Put faith in that which makes the least amount of sense
Then dissipate the path that leads to the answer
The only exception to the rule contradicts where your faith lies
Yet you still believe...

Dead to your words being as stubborn as you
Wanting to ask for your hand for comfort
Feeling safe in your eyes for that one brief moment
Look away so you do not see my emotions
Will you once again attack me for wanting my heart to speak?

Ask you to come along; I need a friend
You turned me down saying I needed to journey alone
Who are you to tell me what I need?
Someone I love and when the time comes I will obey
For now, I kiss your hand and bid you farewell
Will not leave you with my emotions
But, should I never return I ask you know the truth...

You cannot see me feel...

(iii. Release)

Empty billboard on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere
This is where I will post my dreams
Paint the background with my blood
Paste up my soul
Write the words I've been waiting to say to everyone

You cannot see me
You cannot hear me
You cannot laugh at my inevitable failures

The road has not been traveled on in years
I am sure no one will come my way
The sign will crack and peel just as all dreams eventually do
Ideas mean nothing if they are not harnessed and shared
Mine are wasted in my mind
Maybe for the best
I expect no one would care

Degraded to the point where I must advertise myself
Wanting someone to drive by
Wanting no one to travel here
Conflict of interest in this state of mind
Why does a shred of hope remain?

Get into my car and drive away
Slowly slipping back into civilization, reality
Leave behind the billboard filled with my dreams
Leaving my mind empty, my body hollow
Repress the memories of childhood that created all I lost
Whatever is left... society will destroy just as it has my imagination

You cannot hear me think...

(iv. Masked Nightmares)

Sat in a tub of your blood
With you so far away, functioning perfectly
I picked up your vein and drank from its flow
Cannot have you any other way
I rid myself of all that I am
Now I am just a body laying here hoping you will save me

You are no where to be found, dead to me
My tears delude the blood below taking away your essence
Showed me the way then abandoned your student
Said you did not care I love you
Council me then refused my returns
Scared of what I have become and what you already are

Took a club of thorns to the back of my head
Sprinkled a bit of acid on my skin
Kicked out my knees and made me suck you dry
Conveyed how others would do better than I
Can you conceive the pain you added to my soul?
Increased at a rate far beyond anyone's means

Never stop flowing through me
Let me close the door
I know this is not real
Do whatever you like to my body, my mind, my spirit
I will not judge you for something you will never do
Venture into the dark places of your mind
Sadomasochist gently scraping the knife through my chest
There has to be beauty in this
I am no longer afraid

You cannot see me dream...

(v. Compound)

Wait for the phenomenon to eat through my veins
Combine daydreams and nightmares into reality
Explanations of the world never reveled through verbal means
Majestic answers spiral out of control through your touch

I have rid myself of irrational crusades fueled by my emotion
Are you ready to tear your eyes from the abyss?
Love still remains, but I will not express my regrets
It is not an error
It is the only thing left within me worth fighting for

Energies slowly draining from my feet, flowing out into the fire
All I asked from you was to speak up for once
Now we sit in mass confusion sorting out feelings
Categorizing that which may never be said
Wishing for one more chance at the past
Never stopping to think what it may do for our future

Let me see your hand so I may shape it like a cup
Do not move
It is the place where I will store my tears
Use it as water to help breathe new life into this world
Some good must come from the pain felt within

Can you love me for who I have become,
Or did you love me for who I already was?
Perhaps love was never given at all...
At my core I am the same
See your light shining outward even though you desperately try to hide
Do not look away
So many splendors does not deserve to be hidden from the world
Forgive my outward gestures for I cannot hold it in any longer

No assumptions this time... can you feel me love?

(vi. Ascent)

Venture back into civilization
This road has become a wave of thought, a new fourth-dimensional world
Leave behind the asylum to shelter forgotten dreams
Like a child to adulthood
To survive in a world which will only oppress him
Searching for a companion to share in his forgotten energies
We will always have the child within us

See reality emerge in the foreground
I slowly creep back in to complete my ascent
My face shows I am here and attentive to your world
My heart is with those I love
And my mind...

You can now see me smile...


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