home is where the heart is...
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Submitted: Jun 14, 2008
Reads: 23
Comments: 5
Likes: 3
1,000,000 People
Another winter day,
Passes by my way,
I miss you.
~
Another Summer day,
Comes by my way,
I want you.
~
My words,
May mean nothing.
But Another day passes,
When I'm not with you.
~
1,000,000 new faces,
1,000,000 new voices,
1,000,000 new places,
1,000,000 people,
That aren't you.
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Comments:
This is a very good and sad poems. It's short but it really gets its emotions across. Using numbers instead of writing it out really enhances the number of things that you see that aren't what you wish to see. However, the only problem was that I wasn't quite sure how to read it in my head, since reading "One million people" sounds kind of weird. My suggestion is to make it "Ten thousand" or "10,000"? It would dim the numbers quite a bit but make it easier on the tongue when reading. I guess it's really a matter of opinion :)
Overall it was a very good poem! Keep up the good work.
Posted: Jun 14, 2008
I like the one million, it expresses how many people aren't him/her *depending on the readers interpretation*
Great job. I like it. Definitely
~Kaori
Posted: Jun 15, 2008
Wow sarah this is great! I wish i could think of things to write like that!
Posted: Jun 16, 2008
My lily you have done something very beautiful!
My new favorite from you! :)
Posted: Jun 17, 2008
sad and gripping...really sad...
Posted: Jul 12, 2008
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