Rising Moon Setting Sun

Random First Lines: CHAPTER FOURTEENThe high school gymnasium was jammed pack. Heat exerting from everyone had at least raised the... : Action and Adventure » Read

Poem By: ScatterBrain
Poetry

Tags: haiku, moon, sun

A haiku inspired by the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon... View table of contents...

Submitted: Jul 8, 2008 Reads: 63 Comments: 8 Likes: 6

Warm orange sun sets

Turning eyes toward the east

Crimson moon rises

Email this story | Print Story | Add to reading list

Comments:

Ooh, and I like the warm colors you chose, too.
I think your middle line has 8 syllables, unless "toward" is one syllable. I'm from the Deep Down South and we tend to add syllables where they don't belong!!

Anyway, this definitely brings me to the beauty of a sunset, and the moon rise.

MA

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

You are correct, I looked it up, to-wards. I stand corrected and you guys made add syllables, but we up here, most of the time take them out. LOL. By the way this happens a lot, not the errors, haha, but beautiful sunsets. If I stand on my front lawn and look to the west I get a great show from the sun, most of the time and if I turn my head to the east up comes the moon and some nights it looks so so big. Wel, Thanks again, Take Care, Ted

Nixie

Short and sweet, I like it! A nice image Scatterbrain. ~ Nixie

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Take Care, Ted

Anna Therese

Love the rich colourful images you create here Ted and well done on the way by attempting a haiku when I know poetry is a new art for you. I think you have captured an "essence" essential in haiku, gives me a sense of the vividness of a day/night cycle despite it's inevitabile closure.

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you, you are always so kind with your words. I truley do appreciate it. Haikus are hard, to make sense anyways. I can write gibberish at a 5-7-5, but to have it flow and make sense, wow. But, I having fun at that is what counts. Thanks Again, Keep Writing and Take Care, Ted

gerabel

Hi Ted... very nice topic and image created. MA is correct with your syllable count for a 'traditional' Haiku, calling for 7 and you have 8. Here is a quick suggestion for you if you want to update it.

Second line could read: "turning eyes toward the east"

Have a great day.....Jerry (^_^)

Posted: Jul 11, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks, I will do that. Where were you? We missed you. Ted

rickyengland

Hi Scatterbrain. This is the first of yours I have read. You paint a pleasing image with your Haiku. Look forward to more. 'Like it'
Ricky.

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you, Ricky. I appreciate you reading and commenting. Take Care, Ted

Kred35

I love this.....warm, and beautiful. Short and sweet!
What is Haiku?

Posted: Jul 12, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much. I really appreciate all your time and kind words. A Haiku is a Japanese poem, three lines (1st and third line has 5 syllables, the middle one has 7 syllables) and it is usually about nature, as far I know. It is all new to me. Thanks again, Take Care, Ted

B Leaf

I am glad that you continue to pursue different types of poetry this is beautiful. The flow and movement it is just a gorgeous real picture that you paint. You encompass such a beauty of the world in this short line. I fell like I have deja vu maybe I do. Nice Poem, Brian.

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks, Brian. By the way my brother's name is Brian. His real name is David, his middle name is Brian, but I have never thought of his as a David. I can't even imagine him as a David, he is "Brian." Thanks again for all your kind words and encouragement, Best Wishes, Ted