Why So Sad Why So Lonely by Scott Shadden
why am i so sad? why am i so lonely? i need to be
loved. i need to love. i am crying. these tears are real. they
come in waves. i am so frustrated. no one to talk to. it has been
too long since i had love. i can hardly think. my mind is
becoming so confused. i miss my girl. i am in great pain that
seems not to end. i am a man. a good man. why am i alone. i dont
like it. i dont know what else i should do.
i feel like my life is slowly ending. how much can
one take without showing the effects of this pain and loneliness.
it is not pretty. i am suffering greatly. i really have few
friends. my life has changed so much so fast that i am not coping
well. please help me. please god help me. i can not hide the pain
like i used to. i scream out at the world and no one seems to
hear. i sometimes wish that god would remove me from this
Icry myself to sleep wanting only to be loved.
something so simple. something that appears impossible. how can
that be. it does not make sense to me. i wish someone would help
me. that help almost never comes. i am dying. i feel it. i am
scared. i cry. i cry some more. my thoughts are becoming confused
as the years go by all alone and left for dead. the world seems
done with me. i am not important to anyone anymore. some say that
i am, but their actions speak differently. what am i to do. i
hurt. i hurt. i hurt. its not right.
why am i experiencing this torment that seems
unhuman. i am begining to welcome death. to say goodbye. i have
finished what good i can do on this earth. people seem ok without
me. it is truely a very wierd feeling. i love so much and give so
much. why can i not get a fraction of the same delivered back to
me. i really do not know. i try so hard to figure it out but
cannot. maybee i am missing something. i start to think that i am
crazy. ugly. wierd. sick. i dont know anymore. i am becoming
something that i dont like. old. tired. bitter. pained. cheated.
lied to. wronged. passed by. used. taken advantage of. it slowly
weakens me. i begin to accept the fact that no one needs me. they
come and take what they need and go. leaving me alone depleted
and stripped. i can not take much more. endless waiting for
something that never comes.
i am ready to die right now. i am ok with that. i
worry about my son and my father. i worry about my dogs. that is
about all that keeps me here. i wish things were different. the
way they used to be. i am having trouble adjusting to this life
of pain that has been cast upon me. i am hungry. i am cold. i am
tired. please take me away. it is time to go. i dont want to
suffer any more.
i really dont think i can take any more. love is all
that i need. it seems hard for others to understand. maybe they
have not felt like this. yet. i need a woman to be with. someone
to hold. someone to laugh and smile with. thats all. without that
simple ingredient in life i am so sad. with it i am so happy. i
will try to go on living the best i can. when i cant any more
please let me go with some dignity and respect. i will try not to
burden anyone with my load. i am seeing the end. i love you.
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