The Best Deceptions

Think of a name, his is the first that comes to mind. I can't stop no matter how hard I try to push him out of sight. To fight the feeling of him stealing my thoughts. I wish that I forgot all that he put me through.
I feel you next to me, but your smell is not the same. I turn the other way and say that comforts to blame. I can't lie in your arms because they're not his, but I don't want you to know any of this.
I can't lie in your arms, but I can lie to your face. The truth is that I still long for his embrace. His taste.
This is the face of dishonesty, the face of hypocrisy. My animosity toward you is anything but right, but I'm trying so hard to fight the feeling, to put up my guard.
I secretly hope that he'll admit his mistake, that everything he said to me that night was fake. I feel your body on mine, and I close my eyes and I try to imagine the last time he was there, whispering in my ear... but your voice is not his and the body weighing down on me is unfamiliar and I find myself missing his kiss and his hands on my body, his lips on my body, his body on my body, and the body we formed embodying our lust, insatiable, running through our blood.
When you kiss my neck, I regretfully say that my mind wanders to another place, another time. And when I open my eyes the face that I see is not the same as the one I had envisioned in my mind.
I apologize for my emotional violence, but I can't synchronize my thoughts with my feelings to make myself realize that I'm the biggest fool. Though I already know this, there's no way to cool this fire in me.
This fires fuel is affection in mass quantities, spreading like an infection with qualities of some kind of viral disease with no sense to please my senses.
I apologize for utilizing your love for me to my advantage and making you repeatedly believe you have a rite of passage to my heart.
I can't rest my head on your chest because the "thump thump thump" of your loving heart isn't the same as the slow rhythmic beating that I'd hope for from the start.
And as your cradle my face in your hands, The Best Deceptions plays in my head and I can't seem to stop my mind from disappearing from your bed.
You bring your face close and ask for a kiss and I must refuse because these lips, this body, this heart, this kiss all still belong to him.