I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore
Who am I? What have I become?
For as long as I can remember I wanted to fit in
I wanted to be skinny enough where people would like me.
Where I could find a decent guy instead of a scumbag.
So I could fit in and feel good about myself.
But instead I have to be cursed with struggling with my appearance.
My weight, it goes up and then it goes down with hard work.
I was doing so good, lost twenty pounds
Then I turned vegeatian hoping that would help.
I just let myself go.
Now I'm back to where I was two years ago.
So I'm back to starving myself.
To making myself work out too much.
I shouldn't be wearing my fat jeans
They should be falling right off of me.
Instead they fit almost perfectly.
I'm ugly. I'm disgusting to look at.
I'm fat. I'm not pretty.
I know in my life it will be a constant struggle.
Why can't I be skinny?
Why can't I look like all the actresses and models?
Why must I be overweight?
It took so long to lose the weight
I was finally geting to where I felt good about myself!
I could wear a size four!
Now I'm not able to.
People were happy for me, I was happy.
Now I'm not.
I can't look at my self in the mirror without negative thoughts
All those cruel names are back in my mind.
They came crashing like a wave.
I will do what I did before to lose the weight.
I will make up excuses to skip meals.
I will push myself to hard in the gym.
I know it isn't right, it isn't healthy.
But I can't handle it.
Why must they make all the girls on TV being skinny and pretty?
Peer pressure makes you feel worse.
I know many people are happy no matter what size they are
I know I shouldn't be complaining for gaining the weight back
Because some people can't even eat.
I feel so wrong for complaining about it.
Because I'm one of the lucky ones.
I know I can eat, I don't have to worry about it.
It's not the end of the world anyways.
Why can't I be pretty?
Because I am who I am.