Random First Lines: My Weekly Top 10 (4) (jan 20 – 26, 2008)1. ELLA ENCHANTED - incomplete2. EVIL JESTURE – the legend... : Other » Read
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This poem completely tells you what is most important in life.......... View table of contents...
Submitted: Jun 26, 2008 Reads: 227 Comments: 32 Likes: 10
I cannot imagine
The vast sea without waves
The green tree without leaves
The beautiful flower without smell
The intelligent man without skill
The early morning without red sun
The great Indian soldier without a gun
The dark night without stars
The busy Mumbai road without cars
The blue sky without clouds
The clever student without doubts
The huge forest without trees
The windy evening without breeze
Similarly I cannot imagine
The world without love & friendship
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Awww this is sweet poem.And really wonderful.I like it.
:)
Posted: Jun 26, 2008
your poem reminded me of a love song that touched my heart every time i hear it. this is very beautifully written. i love it:)
Posted: Jun 28, 2008
BEST YARRR I HAVE EVER READ ,,,IT DIRECTLY ENTERS INTO HEART
Posted: Jun 28, 2008
I love the idea of comparing it to things incomplete, it was lovely. Thumbs up for you!
Steph(:
Posted: Jun 28, 2008
This is a beautiful thoughtful poem and I love the use of rhyme here, very unforced and natural.
Posted: Jun 28, 2008
Another good poem. :)
Posted: Jun 30, 2008
Wow, that was a beautiful poem, and so true, too. This world would be nothing without love and friendship. Very nice poem. =D
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
beautiful. really well written and it flows really nicely. and i love the whole idea of the poem. great job! =)
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
Just one word ......SUPERB!!!I really liked it.
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
Hello,
i don't know what to say. I hate being critical but it seems people like it. O.K so here goes, although the sentiments you tried to portray are laudable you have to work on making more impact. The verses were too general they did not hit hard enough. Work on adding imagery to your work, use metaphors and similes, you can also employ allusions. These are all mainstay's of poetry. Indian culture and Myth is so rich, use events from it to color your work. I read your other poems too and they didn't really hit me hard enough. If you want me to demonstrate then tell me and i will rewrite some of your lines to show you what i mean. If not i would advise you to read three of my poems, "Toy master", "Timid Stream", "Black hole", "Satan's Plan" and "End Of Time", all of these use the three components i mentioned above and you will see how they add texture and richness to the poems. I hope i have been helpful.
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
Too many repeations of the word 'without' are disturbing the rhythm of the poem. eg.
The dark night without stars
could be written as " night without stars."
Listen two songs, "I wanna be your underwear" by bryan adams and ek larki ko dekha to aisa laga jaise khilta gulab from the movie 1947 a love story for more ideas.
Sorry for being bit harsh critic. "Nindak Niyare Rakiyey Angan Kutee Chaway"~Kabir
Best of Luck
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
Nice creativity and well thought comparisons. Great poem! :)
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
When you went back and forth between true rhyme and imperfect rhyme, I did feel the rhythm was unsteady. I like the comparisons, but felt you could have found a different comparison instead of using a reference to trees again towards the bottom. As a whole though, good job. I enjoyed this poem.
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
I liked this... good job. You have a way with words, keep it up and write more poems, you do good at it. =]
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
I sat back and reveled in the beauty of it all. I enjoyed it so much that I am glad you invited me to view your work. Love, Susan
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
awww that was nice,
:]
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
wow. I really like this. It's simple and to-the-point, but still beautiful.
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
This was very natural, peaceful and serene.
There was no pressure for you to write this one.
Very nice.
Posted: Jul 3, 2008
This had a nice flow to it and a wonderful sentiment. It wasn't meant to be complicated. Its a wonderfully simple piece and I think that simple sometimes makes a bigger noise than deep and profound. I like it.
Posted: Jul 4, 2008
tht ws gud!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008
Awww what a sweet poem. Great job!
Posted: Jul 4, 2008
grreat rhyming
Posted: Jul 4, 2008
Azmat Shah gave some very good advice.
this poem is very nice although it does lack in the respect that; 'this without that' goes on too long and should contain a few metaphore along with imagery.
These are opinions, I know you like it as it is, but still when you read other poems here I am sure you know what we mean. I have seen so many first come here and they write very nice like you but then they totaly blossom with wings ^_^ so to speak.
I wish you well, sunshine and warm hearth, take care
~katie
Posted: Jul 4, 2008
This was a cool poem to read. It makes, like, perfect sense! I really liked reading it.
Well done! It was very enjoyable.
10/10
-SnowQueen
Posted: Jul 7, 2008
I really enjoyed this poem. It was simple and yet eloquent, and I felt that the imagery was vivid. As I read your words I imagined what things would be like if they lacked their most essential components; for example, the ocean as an endless sheet of glass with no waves. I thought this was a very strong, heart-felt and yet appealingly straightforward poem.
Stephanee :)
Posted: Jul 7, 2008
This poem ia beautiful, I love the repeating of the words 'i cannot imagine'.
this poem is very clever.
Megzbo-x
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
very pretty, and its philosiphies were very true.
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
^^-
makes me smile :D
Posted: Jul 8, 2008
Fantastic poetry, subbu! It's excellent. Post more poems and stories if you wish. In the meanwhile, check out my story, 'Defeat Turns to Victory' from my Booksie page.
Posted: Jul 9, 2008
I loved this, I dont think I could imagine a world like that either
Posted: Jul 10, 2008
Nice it's really pretty.:)
Posted: Jul 16, 2008
yes i agree.
a world without love and friendship would be quite a workout for all of us!
wonderful!
Posted: Jul 16, 2008
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