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Love and Friendship

Poem By: subbu
Poetry


This poem completely tells you what is most important in life.......... View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 26, 2008    Reads: 227    Comments: 32    Likes: 10   


I cannot imagine

The vast sea without waves

The green tree without leaves

The beautiful flower without smell

The intelligent man without skill

The early morning without red sun

The great Indian soldier without a gun

The dark night without stars

The busy Mumbai road without cars

The blue sky without clouds

The clever student without doubts

The huge forest without trees

The windy evening without breeze

Similarly I cannot imagine

The world without love & friendship 


10

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Comments:

Awww this is sweet poem.And really wonderful.I like it.
:)

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

your poem reminded me of a love song that touched my heart every time i hear it. this is very beautifully written. i love it:)

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

deshpandevicky
(not registered user)

BEST YARRR I HAVE EVER READ ,,,IT DIRECTLY ENTERS INTO HEART

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

I love the idea of comparing it to things incomplete, it was lovely. Thumbs up for you!
Steph(:

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

This is a beautiful thoughtful poem and I love the use of rhyme here, very unforced and natural.

Posted: Jun 28, 2008

Another good poem. :)

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you sameera..........

Wow, that was a beautiful poem, and so true, too. This world would be nothing without love and friendship. Very nice poem. =D

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

beautiful. really well written and it flows really nicely. and i love the whole idea of the poem. great job! =)

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Just one word ......SUPERB!!!I really liked it.

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Hello,
i don't know what to say. I hate being critical but it seems people like it. O.K so here goes, although the sentiments you tried to portray are laudable you have to work on making more impact. The verses were too general they did not hit hard enough. Work on adding imagery to your work, use metaphors and similes, you can also employ allusions. These are all mainstay's of poetry. Indian culture and Myth is so rich, use events from it to color your work. I read your other poems too and they didn't really hit me hard enough. If you want me to demonstrate then tell me and i will rewrite some of your lines to show you what i mean. If not i would advise you to read three of my poems, "Toy master", "Timid Stream", "Black hole", "Satan's Plan" and "End Of Time", all of these use the three components i mentioned above and you will see how they add texture and richness to the poems. I hope i have been helpful.

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Azmat for your comments............Its good to see you being critical..........Critics are always important for anyone to improve.....As for rewriting my lines.........its ok if you show me some ideas.........but overall I think My poem is simple and uncomplicated as i wish it to be....I honestly feel that people will more enjoy a poem if its simple,uncomplicated.......No grudges mate....ur comment was good.......If you observe the poem carefully.......you will see that love and friendship are compared to many things..........I will definitely write a poem with the mainstays of poem as you said.......Thanks once again.......

Too many repeations of the word 'without' are disturbing the rhythm of the poem. eg.
The dark night without stars
could be written as " night without stars."
Listen two songs, "I wanna be your underwear" by bryan adams and ek larki ko dekha to aisa laga jaise khilta gulab from the movie 1947 a love story for more ideas.
Sorry for being bit harsh critic. "Nindak Niyare Rakiyey Angan Kutee Chaway"~Kabir
Best of Luck

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Nice creativity and well thought comparisons. Great poem! :)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

When you went back and forth between true rhyme and imperfect rhyme, I did feel the rhythm was unsteady. I like the comparisons, but felt you could have found a different comparison instead of using a reference to trees again towards the bottom. As a whole though, good job. I enjoyed this poem.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot for ur comment.........I know the rhyme is unsteady........I was very young when i wrote these poems.......So maybe i overlooked some points.........Im glad you like the comparisons........

I liked this... good job. You have a way with words, keep it up and write more poems, you do good at it. =]

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you kyoshi..........Im happy you liked it.........

I sat back and reveled in the beauty of it all. I enjoyed it so much that I am glad you invited me to view your work. Love, Susan

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks once again susan..........Im very flattered by your comment...........

awww that was nice,

:]

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you...........

wow. I really like this. It's simple and to-the-point, but still beautiful.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you for your comments...........Im glad that you could appreciate my simplicity...........

This was very natural, peaceful and serene.
There was no pressure for you to write this one.
Very nice.

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you for your lovely comments..........

This had a nice flow to it and a wonderful sentiment. It wasn't meant to be complicated. Its a wonderfully simple piece and I think that simple sometimes makes a bigger noise than deep and profound. I like it.

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

tht ws gud!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Awww what a sweet poem. Great job!

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

grreat rhyming

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

Azmat Shah gave some very good advice.
this poem is very nice although it does lack in the respect that; 'this without that' goes on too long and should contain a few metaphore along with imagery.
These are opinions, I know you like it as it is, but still when you read other poems here I am sure you know what we mean. I have seen so many first come here and they write very nice like you but then they totaly blossom with wings ^_^ so to speak.
I wish you well, sunshine and warm hearth, take care
~katie

Posted: Jul 4, 2008

This was a cool poem to read. It makes, like, perfect sense! I really liked reading it.

Well done! It was very enjoyable.

10/10

-SnowQueen

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

I really enjoyed this poem. It was simple and yet eloquent, and I felt that the imagery was vivid. As I read your words I imagined what things would be like if they lacked their most essential components; for example, the ocean as an endless sheet of glass with no waves. I thought this was a very strong, heart-felt and yet appealingly straightforward poem.

Stephanee :)

Posted: Jul 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Stephanee for your lovely time.........Im glad that you appreciate my poem and imagined how horrible life would be without them...........Thanks once again.......Have a nice day.........

This poem ia beautiful, I love the repeating of the words 'i cannot imagine'.
this poem is very clever.
Megzbo-x

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot Megzbo..........Im happy you liked the poem......Have a nice day.........

very pretty, and its philosiphies were very true.

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot for your time..........Have a nice day.........

^^-
makes me smile :D

Posted: Jul 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks a lot........Have a nice day.........

Fantastic poetry, subbu! It's excellent. Post more poems and stories if you wish. In the meanwhile, check out my story, 'Defeat Turns to Victory' from my Booksie page.

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks for your time Jack.........Im happy you liked it..........Ill post more writings.........Ill check your story soon.........

I loved this, I dont think I could imagine a world like that either

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you Erin for your time..........Have a good day...........

Nice it's really pretty.:)

Posted: Jul 16, 2008

yes i agree.
a world without love and friendship would be quite a workout for all of us!

wonderful!

Posted: Jul 16, 2008



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