We live in a world where smiley faces have to be drawn on sun's to make it brighter
See, my mother said 'smile'
She picked me and she said 'smile'
I went to school the next day
Afraid and alone
I made friends and the teacher gave me a lollie
But then a boy called me ugly
I cried for two days and now I'm a crybaby
A crybaby cries because you made it cry
Yes, I'm a crybaby but you're the monster who scared it
I was fine, it was fine, all fine
I moved on, yeah
Then I got into third grade and a girl called me stupid
Only because I forgot to subtract the five
Forgetting doesn't make me stupid
So then why do I double check everything now?
Why do I look out for a five when I'm using a three?
A five a five, it's all fine
But then in fifth grade someone said 'loser'
Somehow I ended up alone at a table one day
And the next thing I know I am a loser
But what game did I lose?
Then eight grade there were so many words
Ugly and fat and stupid and weird
But I didn't want to be a crybaby
And so this time I wasn't
And so I made red
My mother tries to hide them
But I see them and for a moment I was curious
I couldn't bear to ask her if it helped
It does because every time I take a strike I'm two percent
I'm less fat and less ugly and less stupid and less weird
So take that voices in my head
Tell me all the words you want
Because words do hurt and if it takes scars to prove it to you then fine
Look at them!
Except I don't show them
I get why my mother hides them
They aren't for you, they're for me
They're for me because I'm ugly and stupid and fat and weird
Because I'm a crybaby without the tears
I hide them well, except one day I was changing
And she walked in
And I hated myself more than ever
Because I made my mommy cry
But it helps mommy!
No, it doesn't
You understand mommy!
I do, but I don't
Fuck you mommy
I tried to end it there
But she's my mommy and so she sat me down
And asked me
'Am I ugly, or stupid, or a whore, or a slut?'
Then why do these scars say I am
Why was I paying for a crime I didn't commit?
Because it helped
Am I ugly?
No mom, you're the very definition of beautiful!
When I think beautiful I think of a mother who works everyday
A single mother who shines so bright I have to look away
A brave mother who-
I start crying then because nothing makes sense anymore
It's not okay, she says
Look, really look at me
I want you to look at me and see the reflection off my eyes
See the wonderful, brave little girl I love
My beautiful child
See how I see you and don't you dare ever see yourself as anything less
I'm not telling you to love yourself at once
Just love a piece of yourself everyday
Love your nose
And your thumb
And your left eye
Love a piece everyday so that one day you'll love every piece of you
And if you don't that's okay, no one ever does
And when the girls start calling your slut
And the boys are saying ugly
I want you to cry
Because those are mean, nasty words
Because they hurt and so hurt the right way
This isn't the way to hurt
The tears, the tears fall when you're hurt
And you hurt
Cry at home because I will never think any less of you
I will only think, my brave, brave child
Taking ahold of her hurt so she can heal
Uncurling her tight grip on her tattered heart
Every tears is a kiss
So baby, kiss your heart please
Please hurt the right way
The right way
You don't need these scars to know it hurts
You don't need these scars to get better
It's not a question of knowing better
It's about getting better
I was crying the whole time
And man, did it feel good
Fine, world, listen up
I am a crybaby!
I cry every time it hurts
Because it hurts
And it will still hurt afterwards
But it gets better
And that's all anyone could ask for
And so I will be such a great mom
That my daughter's or son's child
Will never think it's okay
She will cry when it hurts
Because that's what tears are for
Little kisses to the heart