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Depression & Mania

Poem By: Urja
Poetry

"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide."

- Quote from the website of National Institute of Mental Health

I did not actually suffer from a full-blown bipolar disorder, but I have always had a tendency toward it - something like a bipolar personality. It was almost beginning to affect my life, many years ago. That is when I had written these poems. I felt that things were getting a bit out of hand at that point in time, and so I took a break for one year after completing college. Thankfully I had a good insight into my mind, and I spent that time introspecting, and taking better control of my life. Today I am successful in my career as well as relationships, and as happy as can be. The tendency will always last, but I have the reins firmly in my hands.

The poems were written many years ago when I was quite immature as a writer. There are many technical flaws in the poems, but I wanted to post them raw, without editing at all. So here they are. View table of contents...

Submitted: Aug 4, 2008 Reads: 128 Comments: 26 Likes: 12

Depression

Escaping from the glory,

Escaping from the pain,

A complicated story

Driving me just insane.

A stormy sea around me

With water black and cold,

I’ve stopped trying to see,

Feeling tired and old.

Directionlessly drifting,

Not knowing where I go,

Focus of life just shifting

Even before I know.

I have stopped wondering

Why the world is so black,

I’m thinking of surrendering

And never to be back.

Where is the will to live?

Where has my hunger gone?

There is nothing to believe,

I’m isolated, all alone.

A fistful of the sky

While falling in the air,

I cannot ask a why

Or how or when or where.

Everything is so soundless,

Everything is so still,

The life which I possess

Is what I cannot fill.

I don’t know where I am,

I don’t know what is true,

I don’t know who I am,

I don’t know what to do.

I cannot continue walking

Till I can reach a bend,

Instead of just talking,

I must give it an end.

Mania

Waking before sunrise,

Feeling fresh and new,

My mind sometimes just flies

Across the dreams and through

The world of power and light

And luminescence bright,

Flooding with rays of hope,

Breakless, rushing down the slope

To crash down in the valley

That is called my mind,

And lose in some dark alley

Which I can never find,

Even after a fruitless try,

Restless, my mind resumes its flight,

Why to search and why to pry?

Just feeling free, weightless and light.

Oh, what a heady feeling!

My whole world is reeling!

I don’t really care:

I have no moment to spare

To think of all the details small

And unrequired facts,

I think I know it all –

All the scenes and acts;

I’ll do this now and do that next,

Oh, I’ve begun to lose context;

What was it that I’d left undone

Before my mind began to run?

This moment here, next moment there,

I’ve left the count behind,

At which time my mind was where –

Something I cannot find.

At this pace will I get lost?

This is what that scares me most;

My thoughts flooding with hope,

Breakless, down the steepest slope

Could crash down in the valley

That is called my mind,

And lose in some dark alley

Which I might never find.

This moment here, next moment there,

At which time my mind was where!

At this pace will I get lost?

This is what that scares me most.

12

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Comments:

Dirk van Rooyen

Dear Urja,
Lovely work! I especially like the part
"I don’t know where I am,
I don’t know what is true,
I don’t know who I am,
I don’t know what to do."
I myself has had Major Depressive Disorder since childhood. I also have a friend who suffer from bipolar disorder and your poem is an absolute accurate reflection from what I know of my friend. If you have time it will be appreciated if you could read my poem "State of depression" and my short story "Three Convictions From Self Reflection". I wrote those during a state of severe depression.
Keep well,
Dirk

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Dear Dirk, thank you so much for reading these poems. As I mentioned to Alice, I have a strong empathy for anyone suffering from any illness of the mind. Most of them are caused because the neurotrainsmitters- those little packets of chemicals in our brain which help in conducting signals - go haywire. But most people don't take the patients seriously, in fact, they don't consider them patients at all. They think it is some sort of weakness, and ought to be cured by displaying a better 'willpower'. But can one cure heart attack or a brain tumor by willpower? Then how unfair it is to expect a victim of depression, or worse still, schizophrenia, to cure him/herself out of it like that! Sorry, I'm raving again. Yes, I would love to check out those works you mentioned. Thank you again for reading and the lovely comment.

Alice Oiseau

urja, these poems are so real... every stanza, every line, every word... i could understand all of it 100%. i am not bipolar, but it does run in the family. my mother is manic depressive and last summer she had a manic attack; hospitalized; received ECT, and through all of this, i witnessed everything your poem discusses. the mania of when she couldn't sit still and her thoughts were every where and the depression that really tore her apart.
i'm glad you didnt edit it this.
b/c the way they are, its fine. its perfect to me.

thank you urja for sharing these poems :)
i never thought i would meet anyone who knew what manic depressive was. well the doctors know, but i'm speaking just people like you and me. it had seemed everyone i knew didnt really understand it.

these poems speak the truth certainly.
for me, it was a very powerful read.

looking forward to more poetry ^^

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow Alice, that was a mindblowing comment! I'm so glad I could convey what I felt. Yes, you are right, this does run in the family. Even my sister has a similar tendency. And so did my father - he made many rash decisions during his, what I now perceive, manic phases, which he later had cause to regret. I hope your mother is better. I very strongly empathize with anyone who has an illness pertaining to the mind, becuase these illnesses have been misunderstood for so long eventhough they have a basis in the bodily functions, just like having diabetes or hypertension do. One of my best friends has it and she has really suffered; in fact, the illness went undiagnosed for a long time. Perhaps I should do an article about how I devised strategies to combat the bipolar tendencies. Thanks Alice, your comment made my day.

gerabel

Yes, I felt the true, raw feelings of depression and mania. Excellently portayed with vivid imagery, Urja. Thanks for letting me know of your new posting.....Jerry

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Hey Jerry, thank you for such a sweet comment. I'm glad you liked the poems. Have a great week.

air

dear Urja, I would very much like to read your articles on how you combated this. I too have overcome mental illness hmmmm or have I? lol. yes well I do have my own thoughts on the subject, and they are far from the ordinair...I believe that the majority of people in the world have this to some degree because of the polaritys in gravity and other things I can not fully explain, but there is much emphasis on the emotional body vs the mental (the emotional being exagerated to an extent) because of wrong living/thinking/eating etc etc etc. heavt metals in our blood.......these plus the spiritual energy pulling us upward and we keep falling back into the lower mind and emotions because that is what we are more knowing of. we do not have fully developed emotional bodies and our etheric vehicles are congested.....there are many things people can do here but docs wish to medicate with drugs that may work for a time but then do not. how can you treat someone who is constatnly changing with the same thing? so they give one med and another and another....hmmmm, well I don't think I know a single soul who does not suffer to some degree. I was suicidal in fact attempted suicide more than once, actually I don;t know how many times I have been dead, via overdose or suicide but, I am now and have been medcation free for two years and sober four five. I am still on dissability because of my past hospitalizations and what not but I don't believe I am any longer bio polar/manic, schizo affective,, add or any thing else hahahaah ya I was not good....I came into a place where alot of spiritual energy flowed through and I began meditating, I am now a healer,,,,,I can't say that everyone should be healed by this because there are many that don't wish to be sadly enough to say the least,,,they really do not. hmmmmmmm, well Urja I think I have spilled out more hear than ever before....sorry
wonderfully written though I have to say that this poem is written absolutely perfect,,,it SO mirrors the disorder. I am happy that you are fine today
thanks Urja
~katie

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

That was SOMETHING, Katie! I like the theories you discuss - I think I really should write that article, I'm sure all of us will have so much to learn from each other - there are so many things you told me which I had never thought about, viz the dichotomy of the emotional body and the mental, and how things go wrong. And the best part is about healing. You must have been strongly motivated - the transition from being a sufferer to a healer is surely not for the weak ones. I'm so glad you could do it and are able to help others find their calmer nature. I'm thrilled that you liked the poems. I was hesitating to post them because, as I mentioned in the summary, I wrote them quite a while back, and naturally I'm not happy with the technical part of the it; but in the end I did not want to 'corrupt' the real emotions with my 'in control' words of today.

Classy Peach

Oh the mornings I have woken up only to hate everyone and everything with no fair justice, these days. Quite different than 5 years ago for me though. Believe it or not, I'd rather not hear than have to deal with hearing it, when I am expecting and feel the gravitational pull that starts my downward spiral. The sad part is, once you start going down, it's like a quick wind gust enhances you further into that ugly area. Myself and my oldest son had a code word for when I was slipping too far (he was 14 at the time)(i have 4 sons). On my good days, I told him that when I didn't appear to be getting out of bed, he should tell me "Happy Valentines Day", that was our code word that he was scared and I needed to change quickly. I cannot believe, now, that I put him and my other kids in that position in life, HOWEVER, at the end of the day, it was my motivation to start an unbelievable hike back to being Me. We used that code often and some days I simply didn't hear it. Thankfully, he repeated it.

I do not find these poems immature, at all, what so ever. They hurt. I love and adore each and every line of Depression, my fav being: Where has my hunger gone?

I am truly a divine believer in meditation and have been doing so for 11 years, and during that time in life (the happy valentines day era), I was so morose and emotionally sick that I couldn't meditate for even 3 seconds. I am also a huge believer in receiving signs from the universe, and the signs i was getting at that time in my life were all deadly and dark. God, i'm just thinking back to how accurate those signs were in warning. That's all I'll spill other than to feel warmly that I'm in a new place now and happily overcame some incredibly hurtful and deep shit. I do see how easily it is to slip back, but no where near demanding now that I've established who I am.

I'm certain this message is hard to understand without explicit details but I applaud you in your life right now Urja. It's a privilege to know you and thank you for sharing such incredible poetry that has very loud imagery which is something I thrive on.

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

I know exactly what you mean, especially about being unable to get out of bed, not because one was sleepy or tired, but simply apathetic towards life - the worst times of feeling depressed is when one does not even feel depressed, instead, one feels nothing. Thankfully, now when I look back at those days, it is with a sense of deep gratitude at having overcome what could have been an irrevocable disaster. I cannot believe that I actually wanted to die - now there are so many things that I want to do in life that I wish I had 500 years to live! You must have had an added regret of having seen your children see you go through this. Thankfully I was away from my parents and and a younger sister who idolized me - I would have died rather than let her see me in that state. The code system you used seems like a very good defense mechanism whereby one can convey the sense of fear without putting the feelings into words. I'm so glad that you've come such a long way (by the way, I would never have believed that you had 4 children - what I mean is that most women tend to lose their sense of self once they have children - something I find very scary, whereas your identity shines through each and every word you write). And no, the privilege is all mine.

matthew smith

Hi, I haven’t suffered from any mental illness or depression so maybe I cannot have the insight some people have who will read these poems. However, from a poetical view point one can really feel the authors lack of hope, direction and place within there life. The poem is dark and brooding, very self analytical which suggests to me that one is trying to find an answer or a way out of their depression. I love the first stanza. Escaping from the glory and the pain. This suggests two things to me; first that they are trying to escape from the depression, but also that they are trying to escape from the pressures of life. That they are just about managing to stay in control even though they are being sucked into depression. I’m still not too sure about the word “glory”. Maybe there’s something about depression which this word fits? You’ll have to explain the use of this word for me. Is it a sense of euphoria when the depression lifts? But then why would you escape from it, unless you have controlled the depression to the point where the euphoria is not an issue?
Anyway, the next few stanzas suggest a withdrawing from the world; a hardening or numbing of the feelings, which lead to a loss of self.
I also love the 5th and the 8th stanzas and the repeated questions reinforce the notion of being lost, alone, directionless both in where ones life is heading, but also I thing in ones understanding of self and the depression they are suffering. There’s more than an hint of giving in, as though the fight is just too difficult and too weighty. I always imagine depression like a dark cloud; the oncoming of a storm, which weighs down heavily exerting pressure on the land, or in this case on the mind. You do create some very strong images. Yes it’s a bit raw, and I’d like to see you re-write parts ( I know you had your reasons for not doing this) but I think you could really produce something awesome if you did.
Ok, now for the second poem. Ok, I don’t really know anything about mania either but I get a real sense of hectic almost frenzied thought process in this piece. I love that the whole poem is kept strictly to the mind; a mind racing with hope and fear, there’s also a sense that when one feels hope or believes in something positive it all comes crashing down, they hit the slope and cannot stop. Moreover, the frenetic pace of the thoughts and feelings leaves one confused and therefore frustrated. Again this leads to the moment of breakdown which seems to be hinted at the end of the first and last stanzas. Again, the images are strong and you succeed in bringing across the thoughts and emotions that a manic depressive must feel. Well, as I said, I have no experience of such things so I hope my analysis was not too far out. Thanx for sharing something which must be very emotional to you. Always a difficult thing to do!

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Matthew, I'm so honored to have such an in-depth analysis of my poems by someone whose poems as well as interpretations are some of my all time favorites. And you have also given me what I was hoping for - the perspective of someone who has NOT gone through these emotions. Yes, you are right, it is self-analytical, because the ego, despite the depression, is not allowing one to accept the fact that one is down - therefore one HAS to find a way out. But at other times, the feeling of hopelessness is so overwhelming that it does not matter, one way or the other. One takes a pen and a paper in the hand so as to sort out the thoughts, hoping that putting concrete words on paper would drive away the irrational emotions.

Escaping from the glory and escaping from the pain shows that the mind has reached such a state of apathy that both the situations seem equally hopeless, or worse, not worth attaining at all (I have to be more specific here - I was a brilliant student throughout school and college, always a class topper; everyone had very high expectations from me - parents, teachers, everyone; my sister, my cousins, friends, everyone looked up to me and they thought that I was a model of perfection - all this is just too much when you are not feeling too great about yourself and about life in general; and doing great deeds seems like a horrific idea at that time because you are worried about further idolization, adulation and glory pushed on to you.) And when you reach a state of mind when nothing really 'matters', nothing does really matter - you want to escape it all, whether it is glory or pain.

Yes, there were persistent thoughts of giving in, but here I am now, some fifteen years later, wishing for a 500 year life!

Your interpretation of the manic state of mind was just what I was hoping to convey, and it is very perceptive of you to be able to see all that.

I have been wondering too about editing - it hurts to see technical errors. Well, one of these sundays .....

Anna Therese

Oh wow! I have seen the black side - "I don’t know where I am,
I don’t know what is true,
I don’t know who I am,
I don’t know what to do"
lost, desolate, uncertain - you describe it so well. The other I don't know about but you have told me what it is like.
Wonderful work.

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Anna, thank you so much! I'm glad you could not relate to the other part - I would not want anyone to go through that - it is almost worse than the blak part. So nice of you to read and leave your lovely comment!

Susan (Nonna2)
(not registered user)

Hello Urja,

As you know I am quite a Fan but this is something else entirely! Your unselfish sharing has already touched a number of people in just one day.

I have been aware of the brilliant mind with shadows of melancholy and now can see from whence your (and a number of other Booksie Members) understanding of life comes.

I agree with Matthew, with the proviso that you keep the original form of the Poems as a contrast of then with now,perhaps maintaining the twin theme.

I wonder if it would be too much pressure to share your work with organizations who assist people with mental illness ? One of the great problems professionals have is in finding people who understand but can offer a positive message, when all seems too much!

I am deeply touched and your sharing has certainly put into perspective my gloom over my first traffic violation in forty-odd years of driving!

Kindest regards,
Susan (Nonna2)

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Susan, I'm so touched by this comment! I had put these poems up because one of my best friends is going through a bad phase of the illness now and I wanted her to see how others have coped with it and come a long way into wisdom and cheerfulness. I would not mind at all sharing the poems with anyone who could be helped and would feel proud to have been able to do something worthwhile. Thank you again, Susan - there is so much kindness in you.

Pratibha

I don't what to say..what to add, what not to say, what to hide and what to reveal....

I could identify with all the episodes of mania and some of the ones of depression....and i can say this confidently that i know they are true and nothing but truth...no fabrication, no dramatisation....JUST raw truth....

Accepting and getting ready to fight it out is the best option before we become slaves to them....

Thanks buddy, for sharing this on Booksie. I am sure so many of us and apart from booksie members will get an insight and love this poem and would realise and accept themselves instead of blaming themselves during the 'trough' phase...

i have no words....i have only one warm hug for you honey

Posted: Aug 4, 2008

Author Comment:

Dear Pratibha, I will not say much because there is nothing more to add. Yes, diagnosing and accepting the problem is half the victory won. Blaming oneself is something to be entirely avoided altogether (easier said than done). A warm hug for you too!

ReganFinch

Hey Urja :) Thank you so much for telling me about this one, I really enjoyed it. I (like a lot of people) have had depression for years, and at one point, I did delve deep into a bipolar disorder. This is a really well written poem and it explains the many aspects of the disorder well. Urja, you're an amazing writer and this is an amazing work (even though it isn't that current, hehe, jk). Let me know when you write a new one :) Take care, Regan

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Regan, great to get feedback from you - I admire your writing skills. Can't imagine you ever having had to face any of this stuff, you don't sound like you've ever been depressed. Wow, you must have worked your way out of it. Thanks so much for the compliments, they mean a lot. I've not been writing any new poems because I'm currently working on a novel (expecting to take 2-3 years to complete it). But I'll keep posting my older poems from time to time. Will be delighted to let you know.

Nixie

Urja, where to start? Individually, the first poem is heart wrenching, you managed to make it sound simple and I imagined it to be a child talking, which works well I think as adults tend to complicate things through fear. It's not only a great poem but it teaches us a few things about bipolar disorder and depression. The poem was smooth and rhymed so perfectly!

The second poem was easier for me to relate too (though not to this extreme, of course), this though seems to be about the mind, the facts, small details. I imaged someone obsessing over a conversation, over and over. You really get the feel for what it's like to be compulsive, and repeat and question and not stop. Or at least that's what I felt.

Together the poems work so well! Both are stunning, I'm so glad you decided to post them, I missed your poetry, Urja! :) ~ Nixie

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello Nic, so good to hear from you! Yes, the first poem was intended to sound simple, because when one is depressed, one lacks the energy to write complex stuff (at least that's what happens with me - I'm sure there are other who write their most complex works when they are down in the dumps). Similarly, (I don't know whether you've noticed), the part which deals with mania has some intentional dropping of articles and such like, and also some frivolous-sounding lines ('Oh what a heady feeling, my whole world is reeling, etc.). Those, again, are to convey how one is unable to produce something original or perfect when the mind is too restless and jumping from one point to another without a pause in between. Thanks for the lovely comment. I have a lot of your poems to catch up on still, but I think August is going to be a good month at work!

dreaming of you

hello gorgeous . i did like the poems , very much so , gave me a huge insight into the illness we call depression , i'm afraid i'm a annoyingly happy sort of person , i use humour to avoid the pitfalls where possible but i needed to understand and you have helped ,
thanks so much .
terry

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Terry, there is no such thing as an annoyingly happy sort of person. Unusual- yes, but annoying- never. But I'm glad you got an insight into something which I think (and hope) you will never have to go through. Yes, isn't humor a great weapon?

Rocky

Fantastic poems, you should team up with Emily Dickinson, you're as good at writing as she is.

Posted: Aug 5, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow, I don't know what to say! Of course, first I'll have to be dead to team up with her! But wow, what an unbelievable compliment! Thank you so much Rocky - this is going to taking me a while to get over.

apodiform

Urja, these poems are simply lovely. Of course not in that you are writing about something beautiful, but that you have taken something so personal and cerebral and given all of us a little understanding of it. I've known a couple people with manic depression, my best friend included, and maybe after this I will understand them a bit better! The contrast of the two poems really struck me too. To go from one to the other would, I think, drive me around the bend! Beautiful words and imagery too. Wonderful!

Posted: Aug 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Em, so good to hear from you after a long time. Yes, it is the contrast of the two situations which is the most stressful part. There are, of course, those who can recognize it as a part of their being and use it to enhance their creativity. Van Gogh, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, Keats, even good old Isaac Newton have suffered from it. Some say that even Winston Churchill had this disorder, though there is a controversy about that. The important thing is overcoming it. Thank you so much for the appreciation.

Pratibha

Wow, so many of them had this as a part of their lives, yet they accepted and stood up....

Now that is an inspiring news....as a human, i am sure we could do it only if we believe in that...just believe....and whenI have so many people around me to love and support and understand and accept me for what i am , things are positive and not gloomy....thanks honey

Posted: Aug 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Lovely lady, you know we are always there for you. Yes, accepting is the most important step forward. From then on it is only progress towards improvement.

Kshitij Sharma

Hi Urja. This is simply great. I really like your writing style. You might want to check out my "Depression Poetry" series and provide your comments. Thanks

Posted: Aug 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Kshitij, thank you so much for dropping by. I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I would love to check out the series. Thank you again for the kind words.

hmirassou

You and I come from the same place...your poems are a reflection of my life some times. I think you are a very talented writer and you should submit for print in psychology mags.

Thank you so much for your gift of poetry!

Heather

Posted: Aug 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello Heather, what a lovely comment! I went through some of your poems and I've been reading your comments on others, and I think you have managed your thoughts and emotions very well. And oh, you mean there are actually things such as psychology mags? I did not know that! Thank you so much for the kind words.

Lacey Cummings

I loved the contrast between the two poems Urja. I think you wrote them both very eloquently and they portrayed exactly what it feels like to have Bi-polar disease take over. I've known quite a few people who battle it and they all say exactly the same things that you have although not as beautifully. I'm glad things are much better for you now and I also think its wonderful of you to share so much of yourself with us.

Posted: Aug 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Lacey, thank you so much for the lovely comment. I have a wonderful husband now who helps me balance. I'm so glad you think it concurs with what others battling it feel. I've always worried that it sounds rather dramatic - because I did not go through the full swings, but just felt the pull every so often. Thank you for reading and taking time to comment.

PhoebeMiller

Your subject is very close to me. Too close for comfort sometimes, but mental illness is a part of my landscape. A close, but not beloved friend shall I say. I've found accepting these feelings, acknowledging them and riding out the storm is the best way for me. As others have said, meditation and contemplation are useful tools as is exercise and mindful nutrition. No matter what though, for some of us, depression, mania - the doldrums as I call the downtime - are simply a part of life. And I definitely identify with wondering where it is I left off when the crazy energy burst kicks in and I take multitasking into overdrive. It's those times that I try to remember to follow my breath and calm myself. Because sometimes, those feelings aren't even mine. I'm absorbing them from the world around me without knowing.

I don't think your writing here is immature. You spoke from your heart, captured a moment in time.

Posted: Aug 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Hi Phoebe, thank you so much. I've been waiting for you to add further chapters to your story - have you been too busy to write lately? Yes, what you have said is absolutely correct - what most people don't realize is that it is as difficult, if not more, to deal with the 'crazy energy burst' (as you so well put it) than with depression. To those of us who can rein it in and channel it, things are always in shape. Deep breathing helps the most, yes, even I have tried that. Thank you for reading your lovely comment.

donkylemore

YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF OPPOSING TENSIONS IN THE MIND OF THE BI POLAR STATE ARE VIVID AND INDEED ARRESTING.
THERE IS A SAYING IN IRELAND IN RESPONSE TO THE SALUTATION
'HOWS IT GOING '
'IF I FELT ANY BETTER , I COULDNT STICK IT AT ALL.
THAT PRETTY WELL SUMS IT UP ALSO.
BUT WHAT THE READER MISSES HERE IS THE AGONY OF THE CONFLICT ; IN SO FAR AS THE 2 POLAR OPPOSITES OF MIND STATE NEVER CO-EXIST IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND .
THE BIPOLAR PATIENT RARELY TAKES HIS OWN LIFE IN EITHER THE MANIC OR THE DEPRESSIVE PHASE - IT IS USUALLY TRAGICALLY THE IN BETWEEN AMORPHPIC STATE - A STATE OF MIND THAT ELUDES PSYCHIATRY IN ITS MEANING , ITS PHARMO KINETICS -ITS RELIGIOSITY IF YOU WILL.
ALMOST ALL OF THE MAJOR ARTISTS IN MUSIC , WRITING , PAINT AND SCULPTURE HAD ASPECTS OF THIS AFFLICTION IN THEIR PERSONNAE - IS IT AN AFFLICTION THEREFORE WHEN WE CONSIDER THE JOY WE ARE MOVED TO IN RAPTUROUS MUSIC OR THE HAUNTING MELANCHOLY WHICH A MELODY OF LAMENT CAN INDUCE IN ANY OF US,
IT IS PERHAPS THE GIFT OF THE AFFLICTED - THEIR GARDEN OF GETHSSAMANE -
OSCAR WILDE WRITES ABOUT IT MOST ELOQUENTLY IN READING JAIL AND DE PROFUNDIS - YET OSCAR WAS ALSO ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT HUMOURESTS OF HIS CENTUARY
I BOTH CONGRATULATE AND COMMISERATE WITH YOU - AT THE SAME TIME

Posted: Aug 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow, that was a very enlightening comment! I was not aware about the suicides occurin mostly in the amorphic state. But now that you mention it, it does make sense - when you are depressed, you lack the energy to take your life (I'm sure it requires enormous amount of mental energy to actually take that step - it's an active process); on the other hand, when you are manic, you lack the organization necessary to carry it out properly (also you feel rather upbeat, so why bother about dying). During 'normal' state, there is better insight, and therefore a deeper frustration. I guess that could be the reason.

Yes, isn't it amazing how so many of the most outstanding contributors to art were afflicted by it, and yet it was probably this affliction which was the prime force behind their creativity. I have a feeling that they would not have it otherwise.

Thank you for your empathy and the interesting comment.

Bananawaffles

I love your poem, they really make you feel some of what its like to be Bi-Polar. I'm not Bi-polar but I've been through depression before and know how that feels. I also had a friend who was Bi-polar and she was just like your poem. Impulsive and energetic one day, and depressed and suicidal another day. Thanks for sharing this.

Posted: Aug 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello Bananawaffles, thank you for your kind words. I trust you are out of the depressive phase now. I read your novel and it is quite interesting. Thank you very much.

ScatterBrain

Wow, could I identify, my mind doing this, my mind doing that, oh yeah. Depression and ADD for me. Hence, Scatterbrain. I have woken up a (few) mornings and having to do stay in bed for some sheet therapy. Very nicely done, Thanks for sharing, Ted :)

Posted: Aug 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh, so now you reveal the reason behind 'Scatterbrain'! Thank you so much, Ted!

Balaji Iyer

Very true... each word of it. Great that you are fighting it out... My best wishes...

the first piece 'Depression' captures this so perfectly. Great work!

Posted: Aug 15, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello Balaji, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.

cartera
(not registered user)

Of the two on this subject the second 'Mania' succeds better for me; it more readily captures the internal workings of the mind of the thinking person who is manic and knows that she is manic. This is particularly true of your exposition of the tension between wanting to 'fly' with the manic child-genius and yet being scared of where she will lead you to, for it is not the child-genius who will have to clean up any debris. That is left to the other workaday person.
The first poem for me needs work on its ryhthms. I was unsure as to whether you wished to set it out in metre or not, but I think that you did. for example, why did you insert the word 'just' in the last line of the first stanza? Apart from the fact that the word is meaningless - and therefore taking up precious space in a poem - its insertion knocks the rhythm to hell and gone. Possibly correct in terms of the subject matter, but somehow I don't think it was deliberate. Did you read your poem out loud? I did; and found the rhythm a bit childlike and hurried: more manic than depressive, I think.
I hope I have not overdone the crit because you are good, but I do feel just a little more weighing up of the use of rhythm to fit the subject matter might lift these two at least, up a level.

Posted: Aug 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Hello Cartera, you have described the feelings behind 'Mania' perfectly. Yes, even I feel that it has been written more accurately than the other. I'm happy that you too felt that the rhythm of the first poem sounded more manic than depressive - I thought I was the only one who felt that way. It is funny, but when I started writing it, my depression started lifting, and I think that is perhaps the reason why I have not been able to make it 'sound' depressed, although I know exactly what you mean by what you wrote. And oh, that 'just' had been bothering me too (I have to confess - I am incorrigibly lazy, and so prone to avoid editing these ancient poems!). No, you have not overdone the crit part at all, in fact, I appreciate it. Thank you for dropping by.

Cartera
(not registered user)

I am not hiding - I am a regisered user, just not clocked on.
Sorry.
I shall of course read all your poems. I came to your material via October O.

Posted: Aug 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Of course, you are not hiding! Otherwise you would have used some other name!! Oh, so you like OO too? I think she is simply amazing. Thank you so much for your kind comments.

Marathongman

I'm so bi polar I cant' comment as I'm torn between the two - time for my abilify + seroquel cocktail

Posted: Sep 27, 2008

Author Comment:

Hahaha..... I think being bipolar has its ups and downs! Reading your poetry, nobody would believe that you had the downs as well. Thank you so much.

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