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i love the sarrow of my being

Poem By: vahndelfire
Poetry


It was a poem I wrote after my ex fiance dumped me and when my current girlfriend read it she said I should share it View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Apr 8, 2008    Reads: 88    Comments: 7    Likes: 3   


The burn of life gets us down.

we can not breath we can not frown.

we wear a crown of sorrow.

like the love of our life drowns our hopes and dreams.

we fall into sorrow deeper and deeper till we can not breath

can not see the walls get smaller and smaller in this tunnel of sorrow

as we plunge deeper into what we will become which is nothing more then a memory of the one’s that we loved who crushed us.

We try to swim up towards the light but the depression falls and pulls us down deeper and deeper into sorrow

how will we get out how will we stand up with our head down low sunk over ourshoulders.

with tears in my eyes and cuts on my hands I try to swim up out of this tunnel of sorrow.

I start to loose conciseness as I close my eyes and slowly die.

But I do not cry I do not try to climb up I let the darkness take me into the nothingness just like it dose to everyone else before me.


3

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Comments:

I could feel the deepness of that tunnel. [ There's always light at the ends ] HOPEFULLY ]

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

i know that there is a light we just need to find it or let it find us

Emotion well expressed. As a poem I would prefer a bit of structure for easier reading but in so saying I have seen poems where word follows word with no pause. Maybe suits the stream of your deep feeling so please don't take my critique to heart because in all this is very powerful.

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

yeah i should do that

Hey well captured why not!! 15 thumbs up!! Please read my stuff and comment why not add me to the fanlist?

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

lol y not i guess i did lol

i like it certainly.......yessssssssssss

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you very much

Since last read you have edited structure, reads so much better. Wel done.

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

i just need to take the time

Well done, sorry, darn typos.

Posted: Apr 8, 2008

Author Comment:

lol yay im not alone lol

Well Done That Was Really Good.
Enjoyed It Alot :D
x

Posted: Apr 10, 2008

Author Comment:

thankyou very much



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