I feel like a disappointment to so many like I cannot impress anyone with my ideas and dreams, I feel like I keep letting everyone down even though I try my hardest. It seems to me that everyone has forgotten how to care for one another and find empathy.
People say to me well “you can’t be sad I always see you smiling.” What they really don’t know is that inside I am deeply hurt by the words of past bullies spinning around in my head. Some may say its depression and others say it’s just in my head; all I know is that some days I wake up and just wish I was dead.
I plaster on a fake smile just to make it another day, if you had to walk a mile in my shoes you would understand the real meaning behind me when I say I am “fine.”
That is the biggest line of bullshit I could ever spin, I just want to be ignored and forgotten like a letter from a lost lover. No matter how hard I cry or how hard I try I always end up in failure you and when life comes down on me hitting harder then hail, when my skin goes pale I just want to say “fuck it world I am done!”
But then I stop to think, is really all this worth it? And I can feel a new hope like a druggie who just got his dope, I was saved by someone’s love and understanding, their understanding set me free. I am in a happier place now. I feel free.