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A struggle for life.

Submitted:Jan 10, 2009    Reads: 136    Comments: 6    Likes: 5   

why oh why do I have this oh Lord
this terrible wish for destruction
it eats at my soul
and turns me cold
to the things that i once held dear
why must I go on with this
this life that I don't deserve to live
let it be taken for this life is not mine

give me a heart oh Lord my God
for mine has turned to stone
I can feel nothing so I turn to pain
to give the feeling I wish to gain
why must this continue
why must this go on
I want to die
because I can't hide
from the destructive force inside
why does this madness drive me to kill
why does the bustle make me will
to hurt something, someone, somwhere

to leave myself with a scar
it has happened before
and my peace is no more
I can't stop it
I can't help it
what can I do
so I don't die
my heart is so full I can't feel
yet solace I seek with a knife
can pain be an answer
can blood spilled help me
what can I do to get out of this prison
where all I can do is hurt
i am trapped inside
without a guide
and not having the strength to leave
yet wanting so desperatly to decieve
all those around me who care what happens

not knowing how to stop the wrath
the wrath of my mind
driven to destruction
the wrath of my soul
dying with need
I need your help
oh my Jesus save me

for the reality of this will take me
my eyes they burn and I begin to cry
for the peace that I have tried to deny
yet my heart grows cold and the rain begins
the veil of my soul is closed

trapped and abandoned what can I do
I hold out and hold on to all I know is true
Lord I hear your voice oh so faint
won't you find me and bring me back to your saints
though I am no longer worthy of you
for my soul has turned black
and my back is toward you
forgive me oh God my spirit screams
for the peace of your presence has been taken from me
dragged down with my sin my spirit sighs
and slowly give up the fight to stay alive


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