I reign them in as hard as I can
and forbid myself to cry,
yet out it comes in frightening waves
and not without a sigh.
I cannot express the loneliness that I feel
in knowing I can not confide
in my one life's love and my hearts desire.
How my heart groans and yearns for his arms
and there I cannot go
again forbidden is that love to me.
Only that of a friend can it be.
Why now my Father ?
Why now my Lord?
I wish not to question you ,
but my heart so longs for,
what I cannot have what I do not know
please God tell me it isn't so.