Think Before You Act

I walked towards you, the love of my life

I thought, with you, would be the end of my strife

But little did I know, as I turned around

You were hugging a “new love” you had found

I ran away from the scene; tears cascading down my face

I felt my heart pounding unable to find its pace

I ran all the way home to my sweet salvation

Only to find all the razors thrown away without hesitation

Then a single thought came to my mind

As I reached through the medicine cabinet pulling out a drug of any kind

I will here and now put an end to my existence

Stop the looks and avoid the vengeance

I picked up the pills closest to my vision

Forgetting to read the label to know it’s given to which condition

Pill after pill, I consume in earnest

With the hope that once I’m gone, I’m no longer thought a nuisance

Not knowing the pills I took ended my life rather abruptly

And to my surprise, back on Earth I appeared ghostly

I watched my body as someone came in an eternity later

I could not believe it was my little sister

She came in staring at me, trying to prod me awake and tell me “in your bed you should sleep”

But at some point all the yelling, brought the scene to my mom’s attention

Trying not to panic in front of the little one

My mother dials the infamous 9-1-1

An ambulance rushes as they time my death

12:15 pm was when I took my last breath

Watching them cover me with one final look I see my body

I turn around at the slightest sound and see my sister and my mother sobbing

I left the house not wanting to see more so I went to school to explore

If anyone else noticed my absence

I wanted to know if anyone would show grievance

If the news of my death would even make a difference

I hear an announcement made by the Principal

He says make you way to the attendance hall

Everyone’s curiosity reached its highest peak

As he never called them at this time to speak

As everyone filed to the auditorium

I searched for my love as though I am a phantom

I finally found him heartbreakingly with the girl from before

And I thought to myself “it looks like you found someone else to adore”

The principal was speaking in a sad mournful voice

Said he’d rather it was false but he had no choice

But to tell all about my demise

And begged them to remain calm please

He urged anyone who knew the reason to please come forward

But most sat quiet and wondered

Why someone so happy would take away her life

And cut a hole in our community with a knife

A girl I hardly spoke to went up on stage to say a few words

Said she cared for me and wished we had gotten close

Suddenly from behind me I heard a loud cry

It came from my love who could not understand why

I hear more cries of sadness

No one was smiling and all were cheerless

I look around and see

All my friends wallowing in pity

I see what taking my life has done to them

Each one sinking into a deeper depression

I try to make myself feel better and say

They will forget about me one day

I turn to stare at my love again

And I see him leaving the room

He is closely followed by that girl who did not remain

So I go and follow them too

He starts to cry louder and starts to punch the wall

When the girl reaches the same hall

She says it was not your fault she died

And he said but I should have seen the signs

She said you were busy spending time with me

And he says I know but the cause was worthy

I felt a lump in my throat as the truth began to surface

I started wondering if the truth I could face

He says you know the reason I spent time with you

Was to find the perfect gift that I can give it to

The sweetest most amazing love of my life

Who shared her love, her sorrows her cries

He pulled out the necklace and it said

I will always love you for eternity at best

I started to cry wondering what I’ve done

Misreading the signs that cannot be undone

I start to see what I have done to all of them

My family, my love and my friends

I should have thought one, twice and thrice

Before how spontaneously I ended my life

I desert the scene as I could not say goodbye

I could not bear to hear another cry

The guilt I feel now is unsurpassed

My future became my present, my present my past

I go back home and I see my family again

Crying their eyes out with a new member there instead

My father whom I have not seen in 2 years stood before me

I saw him crying… and I wondered how could that be?

He goes into a room to collect himself

So I follow as I have done to everyone else

He starts whispering sorry to his princess

Apologizing for leaving and for his carelessness

I start to ask questions that popped in my mind

Like “Why did you leave me?” “What did I do that was so unkind?”

He started to answer as though he can hear me

Saying that it wasn’t how it was meant to be

He said he had to leave for my own good

But he sent letters and money for food

He said “mommy and I didn’t get along anymore”

And that it wasn’t princess’s fault; no not at all

I asked him why he left me and stopped asking

He replied as though he heard, and said "I sent you letters "

I see now that everything I assumed in life was a lie

And I never let anyone say goodbye

Now I see the repercussions of my actions

People loved me after all and I wasn’t such an outcast

Now as the months passed I saw each friend take their life away

And I could not help but put myself to blame

Wishing I could take back my one simple deed

To spare my loved ones a lifetime of grief

And no matter how hard life seemed to me

It’s still the beginning

And I should have been patient

As I have no idea how it was going to turn out to be…

© Copyright by Whiteroses 2012