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Why I Hate TV Advertising

Poetry By: Wilbur

TV ads offer everything from clean cuffs to clean colons, freshening (ha!) the air to freshening your feet. With the purchase of one you get two and don't worry, be happy and don't concentrate of any of the side effects - heck you may not even have a complaint or not one you can utter. I hate TV advertising!!

Submitted:Mar 8, 2012    Reads: 79    Comments: 9    Likes: 4   

Why I Hate TV Advertising

'Here, take this pill, it'll make you well'
'Hey, hurry to order, you'll soon look swell'
All that noise and hard-sell advertising
I'm gonna share some analyzing

I hadn't thought I'd need to check
They're on all the shows and I thought, heck
Can't be a thing wrong with buying pills
From a one-eight-hundred in Beverly Hills

I'd never liked my bow-legged knees
There weren't many boys they seemed to please
When I heard on TV of a sure-cure treatment
I sat right up, tippy-tap my feet went

So when this huckster said one dose
Could bend them straighter to bring them close
I called the number and used my card
And ordered a hundred, all gold starred

It wasn't a month before I knew
My legs weren't straight, they'd went askew
And then they continued on a bend
And Lord knows where they might could end

I called my doctor like the TV had said --
'Course the warning had flew clear out of my head
I was just too excited, first by my hope
And then just too comatose, from the dope

So let my story be a warning to you
Don't do as I did, don't blow as I blew
My doc couldn't change what the pills had done
But at least with braces I walk if not run

I'm just sayin' it pays to listen
For what lies under the glitter and glisten
That's when they talk all dry and fast
So the horrors they speak of simply won't last

Stuff like this shampoo gets your hair shiny
There's only a small risk of ears getting tiny
And don't be upset if your skin turns blue
It goes away in a day or two

Like the claim they've really topped the old
Have even cured the common cold
Well, maybe it's more of a fix than a cure..
Could it cause cancer? They're really not sure

Oh don't worry, you'll stop looking old
Just alert your doctor if you start growing mold
And hey, they might help you to have a baby
Though ending up sterile is a definite maybe

Oh, and for ladies who do not wish for preggers
Why this simple insert goes right up their leggers
Don't worry, they may puke more than they wish
Just see if they're growing scales like a fish

And for all who've got the screaming runs?
This product will surely block your bums
Of course, if in fact you happen to faint
It's wise if your doctor hears this complaint

Sure we can help you get lean and mean
Oh it won't last when your ankles turn green
It could be a month you still will hiccup
Yes, sometimes the feet really do shrivel up

You feel upset and nerves run deep
Are edgy, snarky, can't quite sleep
Well, herel take this, it's a quite tiny pill
Take one each day and you'll lie quite still

Now, your body could stay at its rightful size
Your hair stay thick, no pressures rise
Your bones stay straight, your spine upright
Your feet working fine, with no lost sight

But caveat emptor means buyer beware
You may lose those wrinkles along with your hair
Find that your womb's growing outside in
Your nails are glowing, your skin paper thin

See, once my knees bent aft not fore
It seemed important for me to explore
So now I tell you it's clear to me
That what you get may not be what you see


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