Special to Me
I stand here upon the red dust - it's coarse and dry, Through the sunshine I see to the shadow behind, Upon my gleaming brow a day's labour is bared, I sway and hit the ground I seek but do not find.
From the ashes I draw a face with eyes blue, This memory recalled is first bright and clear, I attempt to hold the colours, lines and shadows But he fades 'till all that's left is a jaded tear.
Becoming my drug - I breathe an essence of loss, Lasting so long with pain it now taints my heartbeat, Curled in this hell - this nightmare of reality I wait and suffer as my flesh melts in its heat.
I embrace an old time - it's now faded and grey, Merciless in its assault - grief beats at my heart, His arms were kind as they cradled my sinless form, I cry now for the man who too soon did depart.
I know not of the taunts his demons did whisper, Though I endeavour to accept his decisions; That last act was one of great burden and sorrow, I seek not his guilt just the love in my visions.
I may never know why he chose to end his days, It's in this wisdom that I find myself weeping, Every inch of my being yearns for answers; So in a world of fantasy I am leaping.
This mangled heart that remebers him is dying, Through my tortured spirit I do contort in pain For this disappointment I bare becomes too great; I bid the monster feeding my anger be slain.
I choose now to reveal my darkened bitterness Though in the manner of my truths may not be fair, Rarely did he make a point to visit for long, It would be a lie to say I that I did not care.
I feel the sting of not knowing what I have lost; But for compassion I refuse to claim the strife, In a living sleep I speak to him with new words, I hope he has the joy that he did not have in life. The news was so simple, ordinary - it cut, I smile to think my brother was anything but.