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An Unconditional Love

Poem By: XBrokenHeartedX
Poetry


Lionheart's challenge! After a week of thinking through it, re-writing poem after poem (all with different ideas) I finally came up with this.

For those of you who don't know the challenge, Lionheart gives you five words in which you must place into your poem.

Ha-Ha I don't think this poem is as good as any others I've written. It's very...strange. I guess it's good in a kind of weird way.

I kept having different ideas; but I couldn't quite fit the words in the right pieces. I'm not that good at making words flow, so sorry if it's a little bumpy! So those of you who have read any of my writing before, you know that I'm completely obsessed with romance. Even though I've never had any of my own, it's something I can strongly connect with. So I chose romance, and just wrote it. Hope you enjoy it! :D

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Submitted: Jun 6, 2008    Reads: 140    Comments: 8    Likes: 7   


A silver wisp of smoke,

Curling like a snake in the air.

A dame of old traditions,

The smoke lingering in her hair.

 

.

 

A magnificent piece of gold,

Just one piece among many.

But only one catches his eye,

The one that stands out the most.

 

.

 

It glitters like a thousand diamonds,

A red flower among the yellow.

It speaks out to him like a voice in the back of his head,

But this one he listens to.

 

.

 

Though his confidence is broken,

As her eyes lay upon his plaid kilt.

He is broken,

But his love defined.

 

.

 

His heart grows weary with every passing day,

His eyes grow hateful at his constant stares.

He can’t deny how she moves,

Or that look in her eyes as she lays them upon something magnificent.

 

.

 

A single touch from her hand makes him lose all thought,

And her whisper of love makes him sink in the deepest waters.

Anything that is different makes her scared,

And so she avoids, not being able to accept the feelings that run through her like water.

 

.

 

She doesn’t understand,

How anybody could feel so much for an old withered berry on a dying oak tree.

She can’t stop becoming,

She can’t stop feeling.

 

.

 

The only exceptional piece of their love is the heart,

The one in which he must care for.

And he too, will wait forever,

For her to give him her heart so they can finally be together.

 


7

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Comments:

i had to read this through a few times to get the full picture and now i think i understand it perfectly!

so theres a guy and a girl and he loves her soooo much and she thinks she loves him back but shes kinda scared of this new feeling in her and unsure about it. but he doesnt care! he will wait until the end of time for her b/c he loves her that much!

which brings me to your title - An Unconditional Love. a perfect choice for the poem! b/c his love for her is unconditional and everlasting - might i say, VERY romantic. nicely done zoe!!

i loved this poem! you did well with your words ^^ and you created a beautiful piece :) though i dont think its a personal favorite of mine, i still think you did an amazing job!! absolutely wonderful zoe! i didn't think it was bumpy at all. very smooth, very beautiful from start to finish ^^
keep it hon!

Posted: Jun 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks! Ha Ha yeah I thought it might be kind of hard to get the picture. I was so confused on how to use Dame though! Because a Dame is a high rank well respected woman. And so this guy is like in love with her, but it's hard for her to accept these feelings because he's in a much lower rank. I'm so glad that you understand it though! Ha Ha I was worried some people might not. Aww and thanks! I try:) LOL.

That was a sad yet hopeful poem ZOE!! It made me think... haha. This kind of stuff happens everyday, but the way you said it made it seem like something more, like it rarely happens and when it does, it's tragic. Very Good.

I'm glad this took you a week to write. :) It was well worth the wait. ( haha that last sentence had 4/6 words beginning with W). Hmm I'm not drinking today either. lol. :) I'm tired *yawn* I'm going to sleep now.

Posted: Jun 6, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha of course you're not! Thanks so much Angela for reading and commenting. And that's so nice! I try to make the emotions in my poem different then just everyday, because anyone can write that. So I'm glad it sounded different! Gosh! Ugh this is taking me forever to write. I got this new keyboard, it's called like a broken keyboard. So it rises in the middle so that the key board is split. It's better for your wrists...but it's so hard to get used to! Ha Ha ok I'm such a spaz. Thanks again Angela! And I'm glad it was worth the wait:)

...
Awe!!! ^-^ That was so good Zoe! It was so classy and beautiful.. and just.. -sigh- so romantic. lol.

I loved it!! XD

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha HA I'm so glad that you liked it! Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I appreciate it:)

no..comment...too...brilliant..
This was so worth the wait. If I could give you a gold medal I would...but here...have an online cookie instead! Yumm! xD

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

Author Comment:

YAY! I get a cookie! All chocolate and gooey...yum:) Thank you so much Hiralarious! I really appreciate you commenting and stuff. I'm really glad you liked it! :)

YES...this is ur true potential....MARVELLOUS read ....deep and gripping ....each line fragrant and each verse singing....lovely...keep it up....

Posted: Jun 7, 2008

Author Comment:

Awww I love how you said that. "Each verse singing". Sounds so cool, and it makes me so happy! Thank you so much Pratibha, you're so nice. I'm glad that you liked it:)

This reminds me of Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson.

I like the metaphor. :-)

Posted: Jun 8, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha thank you:)

No doubt you got in that club. ^^

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha thanks!

this is really good.
I love anything to do with romance so i loved loved loved reading this poem.
this is so beautifully written
just wow.
:]

Posted: Jun 10, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you! Ha Ha yeah I pretty much love everything with romance, so I usually write about it. Thanks so much again! :D



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Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Hope, Sad, Sex, Hate, God, Horror, War, Humor, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Faith.

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