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Speechlessly Unaccepted

Poem By: XBrokenHeartedX
Poetry


This is Hiralarious's challenge. Sorry it took so long! Hers was hard. I wanted to make it REALLY good. So anyways, if you don't know her challenge, she gives you one (in my case two) lines that you must put into your poem depended on the hardness (1-10) that you said. So I got two, and my sentences were:

1. Crying tears of anxiety in a crowded sea
2. Doomed from the star, doomed to never be anyone

And like Alice said, little did she know they went perfectly together, and with my style of poetry! Ha Ha Hiralarious, I had a very fun time writing this.
Anyways it's a poem about a girl (maybe just a wide spread of a 'person') who is unaccepted everywhere, and she is so that she can't speak. And it's like she's invisible, in a tight ball, a zombie, a ghost, anything. And it's not that people are telling her to go away, or that she's not "accepted" here, but she is SPEECHLESSLY UNACCEPTED.
The sentences will be underlined.
Enjoy! :D View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Jun 29, 2008    Reads: 184    Comments: 24    Likes: 4   


Dark skies in a light world,

Feelings that engulf the innocent,

A life where everyone must pay the price,

The one that I can’t pay.

 

.

 

A soul engulfed by unknown darkness,

A heart thrown from every other heart,

A body broken by the invisible ties of the universe,

Eyes that are blind to the most important things.

 

.

 

Everywhere I walk,

There is only rain and no sun.

Anything I touch,

Bursts in flames at my sparking fingers.

 

.

 

I’m going now,

An umbrella high in my hand,

I turn to my destination,

The rain so loud that I can’t hear.

 

.

 

There are people here,

So many I can’t count,

And they look at me,

There are no words, only stares.

 

.

 

Stares that scratch away my mask,

Revealing who I truly am.

Stares that rip through my soul,

Causing me to bleed eternally.

 

.

 

I fall to my knees,

The umbrella on the ground.

Purple polka dots with orange end up in my face,

And I can’t see, I can’t see them.

.

 

Crying tears of anxiety in a crowded sea,

My soul bursts from this ugly body of mine,

Extracting with it a piece of me,

And now I am nothing but an empty body lying on the ground.

 

.

 

Doomed from the start,

Doomed to never be anyone,

I become this thing,

This lifeless human.

 

.

 

Like an electronic without its batteries,

Like a doll without its head,

Like a car without its engine,

Like a song without its lyrics,

Lifeless,

Dead,

Unknown.

 

.

 

A dream,

A care,

A bomb,

Now there’s nothing there.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Nothing is left of me…..


4

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Comments:

OMG!! this was so intense.........touching and Scintillating at the same time!!
you are fabulous tori!!

ANyways i would love it if you checkd out my challenge and other poems!

LOL
~Kritika

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha I'm not Tori, I'm Zoe. But that's ok! Ha HA thanks so much Kritika, I'm glad that you liked it:)

oh no, it's okay, be happy. :D

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha thanks so much xxemoxbfsxx:D

ha is this is new thing with making the last line have an "echo" or "whisper" feel to it? i've seen it twice now and i love it! don't overuse it though - just to caution you from writer to writer.
this one had a "whisper" feel to it instead of the "echo" like the other time that you used that technique of separating that final line from everything else.
anyways - ooooomg this was such a great poem zoe!!! i looooove the part where you were taking away something from an object. like a doll with no head, car with no engine, and my favorite: song with no lyrics. hm. that technically would be insrumental/classical. hmm. nothing wrong with classical music :P haha ok. bad joke. lol
i loved this poem and i really loved some of the imagery you created. like "bursts in flames at my sparking fingers" - that paints one hell of a picture in my head!
fabulous work :) you did a great job with the challenge!
keep up the fantastic writing zoe ^^

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much Alice! Yeah, I'll be careful with it. I only used it once and I thought it might look good with this poem...yay! Ha Ha I was trying for the whisper effect. Oh yeah I really liked that part too. I put "song with no lyrics" last because I don't usually like classical music. I could have put poem with no words, but that would sound weird...I dunno ha ha:D I'm really glad that you enjoyed it though Alice, and thank you SO much again:)

that was an extremely powerful and emotional poem. like it was seriously really good. and there was this one line that gave me a great idea for a book. im seriously contemplating using that idea in the next book i write. lol, anyway, great job! keep up the fantastic work! =D

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Really??? OOO!!! I gave somebody an idea! Ha Ha what line? Thanks so much invisiblexme, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and I appreciate you commenting and reading:D

this was AMAZING.
And dang it! I gotta give you something harderr! >:O

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha next time! Thanks so much hiralarious, I'm glad (because you most of all) really enjoyed it. And thanks for the wonderful sentences, ha ha:) It was a true piece of fun. Thanks again:D

This was amazing. I think this is one of my favourite poems written by you. There are only five other comments and there is still nothing more to say.
~Kaori

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

LOL, don't worry! What you say is just perfect:) Thanks so much OHSHCKaori, I appreciate you reading and commenting. Thanks so much!

such a beautiful poem, but these lines are distracting



sorry i may be bit old fashioned...but believe me, such a serene and divine feeling while going through it

LOVELY wordings...lovely...amazing

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Distracting? Hm, ok well thanks Pratibha! I'm super glad that you enjoyed it:D

i will come back again....

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

:)

great poem!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) i loved it!
~Lemon

Posted: Jun 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it:D

Beautiful, sad and haunting.

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much Anna Therese, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and I appreciate you reading and commenting:D

Oh, how sad, terribly sad to be rejected by people. :-(

That was emotionally strong, Zoe. Sad but beautifully written. I think you found the challenge as simple as Algebra, huh? :-)

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

LOL, I wouldn't say that but it was fun, so in that case easier to do. Thank you so much Jadey Oneil, I'm really glad that you liked it:)

" "

Hi Why is this repeated so many times? You have a gift for setting the scene for something emotional and dramatic to happen. Liked this.

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, and I appreciate you reading and commenting:D

so wonderful, i loved the intensity of the poem!! the writing was very emotional and it was just a totally amazing poem. you are a truly wonderful poet and I absolutely love your work!

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Awww you're such a sweetie! Thank you so much Poison Passion, it means so much:D

uh...in case you were wondering what line it was, here it is: "anything i touch,/bursts in flames at my sparking fingers" it gave me a really great idea, which i think ill be using. it didnt like cause a whole entire plot to form in my mind, it just like added to the plot ive been trying to create. once, again, great poem and all. i just figured id answer your question. =)

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh yeah, ha ha, thanks!

very very good!!!!!!

Posted: Jun 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much!

Heya Zoe.. Its an amazing poem. The intensity touched me so deeply.. Loved it

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Of course! I will try to get to them as soon as I can. Thanks so much though, I really appreciate you reading and commenting:D

Beautifully written, I loved its intensity its true emotion.

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you saw the emotion:) I also appreciate you reading and commenting. Thanks again.

rivers
(not registered user)

It bought me to tears this poem did. You will go far with this gift of expression as compassion overtook me in the mere knowenst that you sought a great deal of debt into this. give us more search deeper pain and rejection are only felt within the hearts ofthose who know love. jesus was the author.

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Wow, thank you so much! I feel so overwhelmed ha ha:) I'm really glad that you enjoyed all of the deep emotion. Thanks so much again:D

beautiful! intense! well written. My fav lines are

***Stares that scratch away my mask,
Revealing who I truly am.
Stares that rip through my soul,
Causing me to bleed eternally.****

LOVE IT !!! well done

Posted: Jul 2, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha thank you! I personally enjoyed those lines too. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it:)

Nicely done indeed. Poor girl, she must feel really alone, or is she?
(Music thunders)
Good job, I like it

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks! Well this poem was reflected on girls who always feel that way, but it's similar to how I feel. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thanks again:)

wow....i really loved this, it reminds me of how i use to be...weird...but yeah! i love your writing! :-D

Posted: Jul 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it so much:)

WOW! LOVE IT SO MUCH! =)

Posted: Jul 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Yay! Ha HA I'm so glad that you do:D

(00)
a
m
a
z
i
n
g
!!!!!
aaaaaaa the words you used are excellent and the way you inserted the lines you were given into the poem and the atmosphere...blew me awaayy!!

LOVE IT!
LOOOOVVVEE!!
the idea is great and i love the intensity.

i especially love the last lines of the poem, the way it ended.beautiful
*claps*
brilliant work ^^

Posted: Aug 18, 2008

Author Comment:

HaHa thank you so much! Your comments are so uplifting:D

OMG!!! WOW This is truely Amazing!!!! I love it,Very Very Good JOB!

Posted: Sep 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Ha Ha thank you!!



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