A single match
Burns the hole in your skin that is not sealed
This life you lived was filled with the love you still have
But not for him
Not for him
My tears escape and I am still crying over the fact that it will never happen, never be the same
It’s hard to feel this way
To say, “I love you” when truly I don’t know you enough to say those words
And I keep being pushed down by secrets and meanings that I can’t understand because nobody will explain them to me
I’m encased in this hatred between them
Trying to choose
Trying to be
Trying to let them both see how I feel but not being able to because they are spun in the webs of their own life
And I feel stupid
Selfish
Wrong
To know that I’m still living in the past when before I never gave a single thought to it
The match has been lit
I grew up without you
She moved on without you
And I grew to accept the fact as a young child that you weren’t coming back, that you and her wouldn’t love each other anymore
I grew up to accept the fact that now, she loves somebody else, as do you
And I grew angry
Mad
Scared
To know that two people with so much love just didn’t want to be together anymore
To have to grow up in a world where love wasn’t happily ever after
Where the end of it was just a big black hole full of deception and hate and tears
The fire is spreading
Why now?
Why did I have to remember it all now?
I want to burn the pictures, to rip them into pieces and forget all about it
I want to just move on
I want my life to be like one happy family
To have no tears
To not want to cry
I want my life to be like how it used to be
To have everlasting love
To still have my true dad
I want to know you like I know my mom
To talk
To remember
I want it all to be different
With you fully in my life
Without seeing you once every few months
The fire has encased us
But I can’t escape this because I am trapped beneath the thoughts of before
I am now fully stuck in the past
Where nothing lasted forever
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