New Beginning - A True Fighter
For someone who is only 21, I have been through a lot in my life already. I have always had to take care of myself, because my adopted family never properly looked after me. No one talked about it, it was just one of those things. I was sexually abuse by my cousin, Diamond Daniel Davis. I felt so sick, worrying about what would happen, and I was stressing out all the time. I was 13years old when it started, and the last time it happened was the 11th of April and the 20th of May. ( Many things happen behind closed doors.) I started drinking heavily just to get out of it, so; I didn't have to think about anything. People around could see that something was wrong with me, but I was scared to tell anyone; I thought it was my fault too because I didn't stop it. He used to tell me not to tell anyone; I didn't know what to do. My dad is my everything, so I explained the difficulties I was having; Which he told me to talk to an adult or try talking to our mom; ( Diamond's mom) Her reaction was rather disappointing, crocodile tears vis superficial sympathy was all I got from her. I mean I knew I wasn't her biological daughter, but it hurt knowing that I was all alone.
Suicidal thoughts was my first name, mostly because I was so frustrated I just wanted to disappear. I didn't see any reason of me living anymore because all the people I looked up to were the ones who brought frustration and suffering into my life; That was why I decided to take matters into my own hands, because I was so sick and tired of feeling like a Nobody; I started opening up about the abuses, and about how damaged my life was to the most amazing women and people I've ever met in my life. So I woke up one morning and decided, "I am going to change my life!" Funny! But, I needed to change my life, because; I was disrespected, mistreated, taking advantage of and you just mean it, and now, I want to put it all behind me; Have a fresh start and just look foreword and never look back again. All though, that is very hard to do when it has stabbed your heart to pieces, but it really doesn't matter, because I am just writing MY thoughts, feelings and parts of my life. It may be interesting to others and then... it may not. But, that is what makes people so interesting... they are different, wonderful individuals. Over the past few months I have pretty much gotten everything I have always wanted, a pleasant apartment, met some incredible people, and I got myself a very good psychologist.
I pretty much learned that going to a psychologist didn't mean you were and are dying from insanity. It means that you are willing to get some help for example "need help sorting out your feelings, finding solutions to your problems, wants to build your self-confidence or figure out ways to make more friends, or just feeling better". These people do amazing work, that are indescribable, and I think that they deserve an award for all the good things they do for people like us. Sometimes when I'm alone I imagine how my life would have been if I wasn't alive today, and the people who would have gone to my funeral would have never known the true caused to my death. I would have been known as '' Stacy Ann, dead and gone'' while Diamond and his family would have lived happily ever after, but Justice speaks for itself, because I am truly grateful that God has given me a second chance to find the real me, and realize that not all humans are the same. I look at myself as a fighter and a survivor, but I couldn't have defeated and overcome my enemies all alone. There is this one man that is greater than we all, Jesus Christ, the highest He provides my needs, and he knows my heart desire. I pray to him day and night, and I rejoice in my sufferings because I know I am rich in his kingdom, because he rescued me from my enemies.
Written by Stacy Ann