"Would Not God Search This Out?"

Psalm 44:20-26 (NKJV)

20If we had forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a foreign god,
21 Would not God search this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart.
22 Yet for Your sake we are killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

23Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord?Arise! Do not cast us off forever.
24 Why do You hide Your face,and forget our affliction and our oppression?
25 For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our body clings to the ground.
26 Arise for our help,and redeem us for Your mercies’ sake.

There is nothing better than reading Psalms when feeling so depressed and oppressed, and that`s what I do as frequently as I can especially when I am as frustrated as I am now. David has been through many battles, and he had to cry out to God endless amount of time, as I do now. This is exactly the prayer that I have for God today: I feel oppressed and forsaken; I feel hopeless and cast down knowing that only God can show His mercy and deliver me from all this.

I like the way David always comes to God with reminders of His glory in the previous protection of His people. David has a dual meaning for that: to give praise to the Lord and to remind Him that it was Him who delivered His people out of the hands of the enemy. That reminder is a way of interceding for the circumstances, and I pray that way too.

I feel like even if anything small I do wrong, I would be squashed and held accountable for, but my husband would keep getting away with all the evil he does. Although this would contradict God`s character, this is how I feel right now- forsaken and distressed. How much more can I take people calling me “crazy” for trusting in God and believing God is true to His word? I`m looking through all these accounts in the Bible of how much Job endured (1 year of horror), disciples going through persecution, David being on a run for many years from Saul, etc., and I don`t see the end to my sufferings. I only pray not to lose heart, so I could continue to praise the Lord even if I don`t understand the delay of my victory.

I may refuse to understand why He only gave me success in one of the three requested things in court, but He knows why, and He had a reason for that. So I have to trust that He knows better than me what needs to be done. The problem is that I can`t endure another separation with my daughter; especially knowing that there is no hope for a change until the final hearing which who knows when will take place. I am left yet again to submit to God and wait because I have no other choice.

9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

I have no right of accusing God for not standing up for me because He does protect me; I am just frustrated because I am weary to wait anymore for what I want. This is where I have to humble my heart before God and say that it`s not my will to be done, but Thine will be done on earth like in heaven. It`s important that I don`t lose heart, but I have to wait to the end to harvest.

I surrender to You, Lord, all my doubts, fears, and frustration, and I plead for forgiveness. Please, Lord, sustain me on the right path. I thank you, God, even for a small victory and a breakthrough that you granted me in my favor to rule on child support, and I trust You with that, so you could continue what you started. This is not my battle, but Your battle. I pray this, in Jesus Name. Amen.