As I Am Also Forgiven
By Jeff Shumate © 2009
I sat and replayed the tape in my head. How can she keep doing this to me, I wondered. It was nothing more than unfaithfulness, hidden behind a lifestyle of business. It seemed she was on a personal quest to put everything ahead of me, her own husband. It was an avoidance at all costs to deal with the problems of our marriage, our lives. I have experienced many different types of pain in my life; this one surely ate away at the core of my soul. As my hurt deepened, anger was born. Fueled by hurt and rage, I tried day after day to shed light on our dilemma. She needed to know we couldn't go on like this anymore. We were in a ship, which sank daily, soon to end up cursed at the belly of the sea. No matter what I tried nothing seemed to work. Whether talking or yelling, kindness or cursing, it didn't matter. Left to my own devices, I always ended up with the same results-bewildered and alone. I felt our days were soon to end.
Frustrated with my failures as a man, a husband, I fell to my knees and cried out to the Lord, "Why? What must I do? Please; help me!" It was at this moment God decided to shed His glorious light upon me, a light these darkened eyes so desperately needed. For some time now I had set aside my God, my Savior, for the lusts of this world. Not all at once, but ever so slightly, a little at a time. From my job to my personal life, things became more important to me than God did. I had been unfaithful to the Lord. I had abandoned Him for pleasures turned pain. Traitor I was! I cried out to God, I needed Him now more than anything, and He was still there for me. Though I had been unfaithful to Him, God would never let me go. I was forgiven in Christ the day I placed my faith in Him, and now, I was still forgiven in Christ. That day I realized my God loves me and always will, no matter what my failures may be.
Trusting in the Lord, I had been given the answer I so desperately sought. Just as my wife had abandoned me, I had abandoned my Lord. I needed to forgive my wife as I am also forgiven in Christ. I needed to do this daily, if not even moment-to-moment. I must walk in Christ, loving my wife, even when I am not loved, and I needed God's power to do this. There was going to be no one shot deal, no miraculous one-time healing in our marriage. It had to come through trusting in Christ, a day at a time, no matter what happened. I needed to let God work in her just as He was working in me. What the future would bring, I did not know, but whatever was to happen, I would continue resting in Him.