I didn't recognize anything about my life when I woke up. I laid completely alone in a bathtub filled with stagnated water. Maybe, I've just been born beneath it's very skin. I couldn't ask anyone how I got here...nobody was here in this icy abandoned restroom. It's blue and hollow emptiness reflected clearly the empty confusion of my mind. Maybe, I fell asleep and this was simply a dream I'd wake from. Perhaps, I was already awake. I took in a deep breath and blew cold white clouds over my eyes, watching them dissipate before my eyes.
I took in a deep breath, solemnly shut my eyes, and ominously slid into the water, sinking below it until my body was completely submerged once again. I hoped it would give me some answers to lay there a few moments and backpedal my life so I'd know what happened to me. From the moment that I knew I existed, this moment, all I wanted was answers to endless questions. The clock ticked along to my loud heartbeats in my ear with hollow and glorified booms from beneath the water's surface. They harmoniously stopped.
I rose quickly and slid up against the wall with a single smooth glide. Water cascaded over my face, streaming down my vibrant red hair like a slippery veil. My lungs tightened and I heaved hard gasps of air as I strained to catch my breath. Perhaps I was submerged so long that I forgot that it was what I had to suffer. I couldn't take this. I gripped the sides of the tub and leaned my head against the wall behind it. "God," I gasped.
I lightly swayed my head back and forth as I breathed in softer and hotter gusts of the desperate air I needed. The warmth of my gasps shielded my face from the freezing tempatures in the room, and dried up the tears that built up around my eyes.
I looked around the room with careful shifts of my eyes beneath my aching eyelids. The stagnant water burned them painfully like a sizzling fire. If only my feet could get on that tiny and grainy blue tile floor, covered by puddles of dirty water and algae, their colors no doubt dancing back soberly in my pupils like a polluted ocean. If I could stand on it, it would be the first step to getting out of here...wherever I really was.
My hands ran over the crusty walls that were smothered in old blue wallpaper, cracking and peeling away from it's surface. They slumped gracefully into the water, nonchalantly stroking my muddled black business suit beneath the water, blissfully gliding over the cashmere with a layer of water running beneath my palm to my lingering delight. The large overhead light morbidly flickered on the white ceiling in flashes, aching my hot eyes.
"I don't want to be here anymore," I said. Do I have a choice in the matter?
I glanced across the room with a sigh. I said, "Thank God." I slightly smiled with relief at the empty doorway which opened into the mysterious darkness that awaited on the other side. Whatever was beyond it, I was going. I couldn't stay.
My heart sank with a harmonious and lonesome dread as I gently pounded my head against the wall behind me. Was this it for me? My first and only memory was my loneliness in a dank and miserable bathroom. God knows where I am! I said, "This can't be it. This can't really be my life."
I had to get over basking in my sober situation and face the inevitable. I need to get out of here and find some help, even if I can't be too sure about how someone could help me. Nobody could really tell me anything, could they? No.
I put weight on my arms as I gripped the sides of the tub. Ow. I was wrong about the floor, this was the first step.
I softly moaned through the dull pain that came from finally using my legs, raising my knees, all for the first moment that I could remember. When I somberly stood to full posture, large amounts of water lapped off of my black suit with long and whispering sloshes and I stepped out of the tub. I hope I don't slip and hurt myself, then where would I be? My clothes heaved against the floor and weighted me dreadfully against my thin frame. All I could hear was the soft trinkling of water to the floor from every inch of my body like raindrops, filling the room like a dropped needle in the dead silence. I stood on my own two feet now, remaining thankful to God that I could do this much.
I carefully observed my surroundings again and took a few slow paced steps forward, the fabric of my leather pants made dragging noises against the floor, mingling with the wet dirt gritted loudly against my black leather boots with every waking step. The sounds of every pace I made was amplified because it was all I could hear as I focused on my filthy and destitute surroundings, lost in my thoughts.
I stopped and looked down at the wet floor which puddled it's dirty water around the soles of my shoes. All hope wasn't completely lost if I was dreaming after all. I said, "Well, If I'm dreaming, I know I can just go right through this floor, can't I? I can do anything I want in a dream."
I closed my eyes, making peace with myself, and imagined taking a single and concentrated jump into the floor before falling seamlessly through it. Then I could wake
in a bed and celebrate my escape from this relentless nightmare. With even more luck, I'll forget everything about it. Including how real it felt.
I'm thinking too much. It's time to act. I threw myself down into the floor in a single lunge, the water slid under my knees, slicking them across the slippery blue tile tile and I crashed with a harsh bang, shooting pain straight into them like a needle. My heart dropped into my stomach as if it had drowned beneath a flood of my despair. Where's my hope now? Christ.
Now, I'm truly stuck, in a dimensional prison without any hope of escaping. I'm alone, forever, and in excruciating pain with nobody to hear my cries for help. There's nothing for me to do now but relent and let my every muscle and fiber quake, give way. I burst with heavy sorrow into desperate sobs.
I said, "My knees! They hurt! God forgive me..GOD FORGIVE ME!" GOD FORGIVE ME!" Get me out of here.
I painfully ignored the sound of footsteps that came in slow succession from the darkness. They slid and crunched against the tile floor, drawing closer until they stopped at the entry way that stood a few feet ahead of me.
I said, "What do you want? You can't do anything to help me now."
I looked up and strained to see the figure in front of me. If a nightmare had any form, it was his. It was a man consumed in a spidery black cloud that towered over me like death incarnate. I could only lift my head so high, still struggling from my weakened knees and the frosty cold, and peered at two large black leathery boots on it's feet which faded into the clouds of piercing darkness. I became more blind with every passing second. Their outer shapeless form flicked at me with arms like scrawny black tentacles.
Everything became icier as he drew closer to me, absorbing my lonely heart with shivers of deluded fear. A ghost? I'd fear worse that he may be a murderer. Yet, I didn't think to scream as he slowly drew closer. Maybe I should have.
All resistance to my despairing blindness was strained and futile. The surroundings darkened into a faded realm of complete blackness as his cold tentacles flickered at my arms.
I relented and silently sank my weeping cheek into the wet tile, waiting for him to act.
His black boots solemnly approached me.